My Son Optimus Prime

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Dane Cook

Dane Jeffrey Cook (born March 18, 1972) is an American stand-up comedian and film actor. He has released five comedy albums: Harmful If Swallowed; Retaliation; Vicious Circle; Rough Around The Edges: Live From Madison Square Garden; and Isolated Incident. In 2006, Retaliation became the highest charting comedy album in 28 years and went platinum. He performed an HBO special in the Fall of 2006, Vicious Circle, a straight-to-DVD special titled Rough Around The Edges (which is included in the album of the same name), and a Comedy Central special in 2009 titled Isolated Incident. He is known for his use of observational, often vulgar, and sometimes dark comedy. He is one of the first comedians to use a personal webpage and MySpace to build a large fan base, and … more »

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I think about having kids. I'd love to have some kids.
I've been thinking about kids. I wanna have like 19 kids.
I think naming them, that's gonna be fun.
Whatever the names you come up with, that's exciting, right there.
You get to both decide, "Hey, do you wanna name that.. nooo i don't like
that. Alright." It's like a little game, you try and come up with....
I already have names picked out. I don't even know.
First kid, boy, girl.. I don't care. First one that comes out I'm naming it
RHRHRHH.
I think it's beautiful. It's feminine but strong at the same time.
"Time for bed RHRHR.. I SAID TIME FOR BED RHRHRHRHHR!!!!
NO COOKIES RHRHRHR!!!! Typical RHRHR!!
Daddy's on the phone RHRRH.. daddy's on the phone..."
I'm gonna name a group of kids after my favorite cartoon.
I'm gonna name a bunch of them after Transformers. That'a be great!
Oh ya! Just to be like, "Optimus Prime come here for a second,
I wanna talk to you. Come here. You sit next to Megatron,
We're gonna have a little chit-chat over here.
I am the Cobra Comander in this.. RHRHRHRHRHRHR!!!!
I SAID NO COOKIES!!!! RHRHRHRHRRHAHRHRRHHAHARHAHHH!!!
RHRHRHRHRRHR! This FUCKING HRHRRHRHRRH is driving me up a
FUCKING wall! RHRHRHRHAHRHARHARHAHRHRHRHR!!!"
Wouldn't it be fun to have a bunch of kids and abandon them somewhere..
Just knock em out of the car,
"I'm out.. "
What do you think they'd talk about? hahaha

 Watch: New Singing Lesson Videos Can Make Anyone A Great Singer