Father, Why Don't You Kiss a Man?
Patrick Alexander's Melody Zone
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Forbidden wisdom Concealed and arcane The power of the moon Directed through your brain The light of the night Moulded by your pinky finger Father I have given you the knowledge And nigh draws the hour For you to use this power Father You could grant breath and consciousness to statues made of rock Or transform a five-fingered glove into a one-foot sock Yet at the threshold you linger Like a cold plastic bag full of porridge Like there’s ice cubes in your gizzard Your feeble eyes implore me But your tired excuses bore me So I tell you once again Dad If you want to be a wizard You’re gonna have to kiss some men Father Why don’t you kiss a man? We both know that you can There’s nothing stopping you From turning green grass blue (Or growing new cows from beef stew) Father Why can’t you snog some blokes? Magic’s not all hats and cloaks And words said backwards ‘Pon some gents you must go mackwards You could fly to a distant star and be back before yesterday You could knit a pair of invisible mittens out of dark matter along the way You know the spells (You know the spells) You’ve brewed the potions You have performed (You’ve performed) Six of seven motions But all the rites I’ve taught Will culminate in naught If you’re too yella To smooch a fella Yah yah yah-yah yah, yah yah yaaahhh (Kiss a man) Yah yah yah-yah yah, yah yah yaaahhh (Kiss a man) Yah yah yah-yah yah, yah yah yaaahhh (Kiss a man) Yah yah yah-yah yah, yah yah yaaahhh (Kiss a man) Father Why won’t you pash a dude? Kissing isn’t wrong or rude Unless you don’t ask Or neglect to remove your surgical mask Father Why shouldn’t you neck a chap? His mouth does not contain a trap (His scratchy beard is covered in plastic wrap) He doesn’t taste like crap Or smell like poo He’s not unsightly or bad The only problem is you, Dad The only problem is you
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Written by: Patrick Alexander's Melody Zone
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