A ride in my mind

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HODDESTN

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You listenin' to H.O.D. poetry, Destn Poetry, whatever you wanna call it
You seeing Pooda, Romeo, Destn, H.O.D., all of them, enjoy the ride, inside my mind
Buckle your seatbelts, you'll be entering Destn's mind in three, two, one
Destn, Destn
Let my mistakes become your cheat code to the game we call life
Every time I was in the dark, let it reflect on your light
Every time I was beatin' down, let it show you when to fight
All the times I was movin' left, let it show you what is right
Picture yourself when now as a lil' youngin', an Oxon Hill youngin'
numbing down the pain, tryin' to see if he can feel something
So much emotion, he just thought that he ain't feel nothin'
He look up to God, he said, be patient, something's real comin'
But he was never that patient, he kept his feelings complacent
He had a mixture problems, he tried to make it adjacent
But the problem was, he loved all of the pain he was facin'
So even if he's close to better, he made sure he ain't make it
But really, why? Why did he act tough when he wanted to cry
Why did he make himself so toxic when he's the most lovin' guy
Ain't no tellin', the only answer there is is in his eyes
So let's go for a ride, seatbelts advised, in younger Destn's mind
Granny's kitchen with all the lovin' and kissin', talkin'
If you need to cry, you got somebody to listen
We be talkin', playin' with toys, before we was playin' with women
You seein' Destn, when he always showed you how he was feelin'
See, that's the difference, but since we have a vision
Pooda, tell me how you feel
I feel that nobody will ever listen!
I'm lost in my thoughts, have you noticed that I am missing?
Have you seen that the glow that I had can no longer glisten
I've been crossed so many times, I'm debatin' on if I'm Christian I don't see him
I don't see the God that you're claimin'
I heard the world is mine, but if that's true, then how did he make it
I can't fake it, my beleif about your existence has faded, how could you put me through some things that made me sad and degraded
I just want peace, and healing for some wounds that I can't speak on in this piece
And hope that all my dreams are not unreal or out of reach
And if I make it out, I have a lesson I can teach
Tell him I want peace, and healing for some wounds that I can't speak on in this piece
And hope that all my dreams are not unreal or out of reach
And if I make it out, I have a lesson I can teach
I realized after that, I'd never be the same
Realized through time, I was embedded in my pain
And now I'm toxic, and now sadly, I cause other people pain
The things that make me go insane
Is I said, I'd never be the same
I love big but
When I love sometimes, they use my love in vain
I want trust, but when I trust them, then they play me like a game
I'm sorry, love
Sorry that when you love me, I push away
Just live it up
Had to give a P-O-V inside my brain
That's why, Im me, these girls don't know Destn
They know H-O-D
They don't know my birthday
They know the day they wanna link
Now a youngin' gotta think
Why the heck, when someone loves, you push away like something stinks
Why the heck, you insecure when people talkin' to your stink
Why the heck, when you love big, you beat that thing up till it shrinks
Probably did, cause you seen crazy things can happen if you blink
Probably did, from all the times you seen your mother take that drink
Probably did, cause I seen what can happen when you love things
H-O-D, you hear me
Said in stone
How many motherf*****s did it take to make my broken home
I just wanted to be alone seen demons and my family known
I can't mind my business when someone's hurtin' who made my own
Pooda wasn't ludicrous y'all made Pooda truth to this
My pain cannot refrain the strain my heart has made to do this
I wish I could just worry about doin' good at school and sh**
Cryin' on my knees
Look up to God like I'm a Budapest
I probably now got Buda pissed
Cause on my good behavior, and hard labor died when doing this
The life of tryin' to tool and fix, the life of tryin' to put everyone first except for you, and sh**
The life of a suburban slash youngin' ain't shootin' none of this
I am Romeo
Infatuated with the pretty girls with pretty toes
I'm kinda playa
Pooda hate me cause I'm one of those
Had to tell Im chill cause I'm a piece of him like dominoes
I'm too worried about these girls
I should be busy on the road
Worry about my music and not worry about no couple goals
Get up on these money goals and probably book a couple shows
But I get too distracted by these women I'm a walkin' rose
Certified ladies, man
Might just call me Dapper-Dan, mothers say I'm cool I told this one to call me ceiling fan
Love the way they walk so pretty and I love the way they stand
Trackin' me at school
I been told I love the department dance I just realized I gotta get myself a H.O.D
Romeo, wait
Pooda, you asked how many people did it take for us to break?
Way too many
It was too much love that transferred into envy so much damage we split up because this is a hole that's empty
It was plenty people that we could've blamed
Plenty people we could make the reason why we're the same person
We're four names
Pooda, there's pain, but bro, we had to change
Still on the road to riches we just had to switch some lanes
And I don't mean to break our heart, but it's so much to gain
Kinda what happens when our love is always played as games
Changed person with the same name
So even if it's strange and it don't make sense to change, just rearrange it
I realized it was a lot of times I'm real, but other ones was faking
I had different types of visions
I ain't see you hating
See, my problem is I love to give out help and saving
So when I had to help myself, I gave out all my saving
It was sunny, but my mind was always pouring raining
I realized the ones around me was extremely draining
I had so many day ones start to fake and changing
I used to sit up in that Nissan now look where we came in I'm up in the hills
We ain't low on money we on time to pay them bills
Ain't no more construction Grandpa, stop touching them drills
Y'all said I was the light so let me shine so y'all can heal
It's so much stuff that happened you can't tell me how to feel
I just had to learn to turn my heart to Guarded steel
Bought to buy my granny house with all $100 bills
Buy my mom a car and take her out on fancy meals
Because legends never die
That's why I did it off them pills
I just want peace
And healings for some wounds that I can't speak on in this piece
And hope that all my dreams are not unreal or out of reach
And if I make it out, I have a lesson I can teach
I don't care about the streets, the mind of me

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