Suicidal Thoughts

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tRiCkY j

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I don't know what to say right now, I can't think
My mind is jumbled, and I feel so troubled
I got these suicidal thoughts
Just listen

I wanna write a song, but I dunno what to write
I'm feeling real low, I'm so tired of this fight
And my girl don't wanna let me out of her sight
Coz if I get the chance, I'd turn out the light
My heart is full of pain, my head filled with stress
This art is no game, it helps when I'm depressed
Man, I get so afraid, when I shout, I'm upset
Sadness turns to anger, to you I could be a threat
Both my hands are in a fist, but I'd never hurt you
If I'm not cutting my wrists, now I've left the room
They say writing is my gift, I guess that'll end soon
Coz I don't want to exist, but that is nothing new
When my girl is asleep, the voices shout out loud
Telling things I shouldn't do, coz nobody is around
I've gotta hold back this, I can't let myself down
I feel scared, I'm afraid, but I will not make a sound

I don't know how much time I've got left
Tomorrow could be the day of my death
Don't know how much longer I can go on
I'm drinking some wine as I write this song
Lost in the moment, like I'm frozen in time
Cut myself open, forget about these rhymes
My suicidal thoughts, are becoming too much
I'm tryna be strong, but I don't even feel tough

I wanna be strong, but I dunno how to fight
I feel so alone, I'm losing sleep another night
I make up lies, and instead tell them I'm fine
But my mind is a scary place, I've got thoughts of suicide
And these are true lyrics, they come from my heart
I only write music when I feel like I'm giving up
I'm letting out my tears, with a knife I cut my arms
I wish I could control myself, maybe I could restart
But life is not a video game, it's like a box of treats
With flashbacks in my head, my mind can't get sleep
My legs are so drained, my whole body feels so weak
I'm alive but feel dead, like I'm numb so I cut deep
And when I'm here in the studio, I can rap this all out
I can't do it at home, alone, coz I'll just break down
I'm told if I take care of things, they will work out
But if I ruin what I have, I'll needa learn to live without

I don't know how much time I've got left
Tomorrow could be the day of my death
Don't know how much longer I can go on
I'm drinking some wine as I write this song
Lost in the moment, like I'm frozen in time
Cut myself open, forget about these rhymes
My suicidal thoughts, are becoming too much
I'm tryna be strong, but I don't even feel tough

Now, I'm smoking a bong, I'm just tryna get high
And I drink to get drunk, then go for a drive
Voices say I don't belong, and I should just die
And you sit listening along, hoping that I'll be alright
Darkness around, covers me like a blanket of mist
The act of self-harm, as blood drips from my wrist
No energy to do the things, that bring me happiness
With no motivation, I'm sorry, I think suicide I'll commit
Some days I smile, I would hide, put on a disguise
For a while, I would get high, to show I'm just fine
I force smiles, hoping you believe the lie 'I'm fine'
Bcoz it's just too hard to explain, what's really on my mind
But at night back home, thoughts come back to me
My body shivers, I'm alone, staring out towards a tree
I bought rope, tied a noose, thinking tonight it'll be
This is why I can't be alone, and most nights I can't sleep

I don't know how much time I've got left
Tomorrow could be the day of my death
Don't know how much longer I can go on
I'm drinking some wine as I write this song
Lost in the moment, like I'm frozen in time
Cut myself open, forget about these rhymes
My suicidal thoughts, are becoming too much
I'm tryna be strong, but I don't even feel tough

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