Sisyphus (feat. Barnes)

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Beckett Reed

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I've been holdin' on, to understand something that's been going on
The type of feeling that you get when nothing ain't wrong
Can't understand why I'm feelin' like this, but I'm holdin' on
I don't want to die without knowing what this emptiness inside really means
Constantly tossin' and turning in my bed, having bad dreams
Or, nightmares, whatever you wanna call it
I've been feelin' so dark in the present, but in the past I saw it
I knew this would happen
Everlasting foes with everlasting hoes, but that ain't change a damn thing
Still in the dark twenty-two years later, I've been tryna rearrange things
One day everything's great, then the next I'm feelin' like shit
Wondering if it'll change things
It's a constant pattern
Lost myself like I'm in space, on a place like Saturn
I can't get this mood out of my body, so it feels like I don't matter
Made some mistakes in the past that made me think about what was this and what was that

So, I'm constantly thinking
About what could've been different, cause' I'm constantly sinking
Just to start going up again, and wonder what's the meaning to life
If I feel this way every other day, like I can't stick around long enough to see shit change
Damn
I've been tryna maintain my mental health more than my wealth in the last year
Thought things would be different and things would be better from the past year
But, honestly I still feel stuck doin' different things, but I still feel the same
Like, what the f*ck
Nobody gets me, nobody stuck around long enough to say they with me
And if they do, they ain't the crew
They just clout chasers cause' they know I'm winning in this music shit
I make the type of music to make you feel like you losing shit
It's not debatable if it's relatable or not, cause' I'm choosin' this
I know the people that follow they dreams is doin' this
Stayin' up late past midnight doin' stupid shit
At least that's what the obsolete think
But, to me I think differently with this cuban link on my neck

Cheated death twice, now I face eternity
I push a boulder up a mountain
Each time I reach the top, the boulder falls swiftly
Quick to restart, fear of abandonment
Don't know a world where I stop, so I keep pushing
Just to do it over and over, a cycle that lasts forever
Everybody got a mountain of their own, no one can really help me
Nobody ever hears me, my altitude too high
I wonder when it ends, maybe when new life begins
If I stop, the boulder kills me
It's hard to escape the inevitable
On this climb, I've hurt people I love, pushed people away that only want the best for me
It's hard to communicate when trauma leaves you empty
I'm an evil and selfish person, but I know the right answers
Connected to people, I mask who I am around others
Immortalized so I forever suffer
As I push, my thoughts cloud me
It's like we made some plans and I showed up but you ain't comin'
Tell one lie, that's another lie you gotta back up
All I want is the truth
I'm scared to live a lie, I chase reality
When this world tries to blind me, my mind is clear at the peak
But, the boulder falls, a never ending pattern
The Myth of Sisyphus

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