Sisyphus (feat. Barnes)

I've been holdin' on, to understand something that's been going on The type of feeling that you get when nothing ain't wrong Can't understand why I'm feelin' like this, but I'm holdin' on I don't want to die without knowing what this emptiness inside really means Constantly tossin' and turning in my bed, having bad dreams Or, nightmares, whatever you wanna call it I've been feelin' so dark in the present, but in the past I saw it I knew this would happen Everlasting foes with everlasting hoes, but that ain't change a damn thing Still in the dark twenty-two years later, I've been tryna rearrange things One day everything's great, then the next I'm feelin' like shit Wondering if it'll change things It's a constant pattern Lost myself like I'm in space, on a place like Saturn I can't get this mood out of my body, so it feels like I don't matter Made some mistakes in the past that made me think about what was this and what was that So, I'm constantly thinking About what could've been different, cause' I'm constantly sinking Just to start going up again, and wonder what's the meaning to life If I feel this way every other day, like I can't stick around long enough to see shit change Damn I've been tryna maintain my mental health more than my wealth in the last year Thought things would be different and things would be better from the past year But, honestly I still feel stuck doin' different things, but I still feel the same Like, what the fuck Nobody gets me, nobody stuck around long enough to say they with me And if they do, they ain't the crew They just clout chasers cause' they know I'm winning in this music shit I make the type of music to make you feel like you losing shit It's not debatable if it's relatable or not, cause' I'm choosin' this I know the people that follow they dreams is doin' this Stayin' up late past midnight doin' stupid shit At least that's what the obsolete think But, to me I think differently with this cuban link on my neck Cheated death twice, now I face eternity I push a boulder up a mountain Each time I reach the top, the boulder falls swiftly Quick to restart, fear of abandonment Don't know a world where I stop, so I keep pushing Just to do it over and over, a cycle that lasts forever Everybody got a mountain of their own, no one can really help me Nobody ever hears me, my altitude too high I wonder when it ends, maybe when new life begins If I stop, the boulder kills me It's hard to escape the inevitable On this climb, I've hurt people I love, pushed people away that only want the best for me It's hard to communicate when trauma leaves you empty I'm an evil and selfish person, but I know the right answers Connected to people, I mask who I am around others Immortalized so I forever suffer As I push, my thoughts cloud me It's like we made some plans and I showed up but you ain't comin' Tell one lie, that's another lie you gotta back up All I want is the truth I'm scared to live a lie, I chase reality When this world tries to blind me, my mind is clear at the peak But, the boulder falls, a never ending pattern The Myth of Sisyphus