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Jordan F

I am a 54 year old recovering addict with many experiences in life. I have two daughters i cherish and try to have the healthiest relationship with. Currently i help take care of two eighty something parents who have done so much for me in my lifetime i am fortunate to be there for them some still. I worked in contract security and a labourer for near forty years, enjoying my own registered landscaping business these last six years which have kept me honest, busy, enabled me to meet new people and help with my sobriety. I was very fortunate in my youth to play socer and hockey at an elite minor level from age 6 to 17 and participate in ten different scholastic high school sports. At age 48 i finally learned how to start to properly rehabilitate physical injuries and accept past traumas as part of my life's experiences. I have learned to ask for help for mental health and learn to like and love myself. I enjoy being the best father, son, brother, friend, community person i can be.

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Year:

2024

101 Views

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my first memory was sitting on your knee
i wondered where you were emotionally, spiritually, mentally, because it wasn't with me

i saw this man i knew that loved me but was somewhere far away. i was two years old and needed to connect with you some way

pointing to your cigarette you shared a puff with me, 
next was a taste of your beer i felt closer to thee

why is dad so sad? i wish he could tell me i'll sit on his knee and enjoy the smells of we. 

i know he cares for me, i know not his pain. enjoying the pure moment it may be a while before it happens again.

two older brothers and a younger sister. they have needs and wants of dad too, this twenty something old mister

mom is at work, night shift duty calls. she has been a nurse in texas, florida and toronto eleven years winters, spring, summer and falls.

mom loves him dearly, hasn't the power to change him, hopefully we all learn this lesson before the nights and the days end.

i can only change myself, pray, care and set limits. enabling doesn't help it hurts several spirits

i'm in my fifties now and still have much to learn, eldest brother gone twenty, he sacrificed for my concern

older brother still with us many thought he'd go first.
the life he has lived never quenching his thirst.

i love him dearly he also fought for me well. now i set limits and pray, hoping he changes his hell

i give up to my god a higher power that is. its sometimes a deity, nature and this.

 a chance to create it gives me such joy. serotonin boosts i didn't understand as a boy

sister is north as strong as the others, though body and mind have suffered, she commits to her druthers

much joy i have received through daughters my own.
they teach me so much from a farther way from my home

the sports and the values ive learned them some well. they kept from criminal and an ego too swell. this night is cold and dark i always find solace on foot in the park

stay in the present moment my goal i desire, it best helps me appreciate the heart still with fire

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