Joe Goes Down, I Come Up

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Jimmy Durante

James Francis "Jimmy" Durante (February 10, 1893 – January 29, 1980) was an American singer, pianist, comedian, and actor. His distinctive clipped gravelly speech, comic language butchery, jazz-influenced songs, and large nose helped make him one of America's most familiar and popular personalities of the 1920s through the 1970s. His jokes about his nose included referring to it as a "Schnozzola", and the word became his nickname.

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Throw another log on the fire boys, while I unfurl a tale. 

I’ve been all over this continent, I’ve been from coast to coast.

I’ve even been as far up as prefect mass! 

I’ve fought my way up to the Nile, to the very top floor!

And I’ve even tracked a pole cat to it’s pole.

I’ve had the yellow jack! I’ve been shot full of holes.

I’ve even grabbed an army mule plump by the plumper!

But I’ve never been so ripsort, high pollutin’ mad, 

As the night I was reclining on my Louis XIV Dariere. 

It all started when the telephone tinkled. 

Pickin’ up the receiver I said- uh, “Oui, Oui?”

(You see it was a french phone!)

The secretary of state was calling. 

He said, “Jimmy, we need you for a very important mission.

Do you know anything about foreign relations?” 

I said, “Foreign relations?! 

Why your talking to a guy whose got 15 relatives livin in brooklyn.”

(How Pre-posterous’!) 

So I said to him, “Sec,” (I addresses him in the subjunctive) 

,“My regrets but I never converse business over the phone”

“I’ll see you tomorrow in DC at PM, Sharp!” 

So that evening,( At cocktail time!) I gets aboard the congressional limiter.

The train was jammed, so what happens? 

I had ta share my upper birk with a guy named Joe. 

It was too crowded up there for both of us to get undressed at the same time, 









SO, I comes down, Joe stays up and takes off his coat. 

Then Joe comes down, I goes up and I takes off me shoes.

I goes down, Joe goes Up; he takes of his shirt.

Joe comes down, I goes up I takes off my pants

I comes down, Joe goes up; he puts on his pajamas.

Joe comes down, I goes up; I puts on my pajamas.

Now we’re ready to lie down and go to sleep.


Then what happens? It’s morning! We gotta start all over again!



I comes down, Joe stays up; he takes of his Pajamas.

Joe comes down, I goes up and takes off my pajamas. 

I comes down, Joe goes up and puts on MY pants!

Joe comes down, I goes up; I put on HIS Shirt!

I goes down, Joe comes up; he puts on me shoes.

Joe comes down, I goes up; I puts on his coat. 

Now I don’t know whether im joe, or Joe is me.

It’s a case of double indemnity! 

He gets off at my station, I gets off at his station. 

His wife runs over to me, throws her arms around ma neck, 
Gives me a kiss and says,

 “Congratulations Joe! You’re the father of a nine pound baby boy!”

What a dilemmiah’! 

But what could I do about it? Nuttin. 

So I went to holkVogan to forget. 

Then I went to hackensack to forget holkvogan. 

That’s ma’ story, boys! 

So throw another log on the fire! 

What?!? No more logs? 

Goodnight folks! Goodnight!

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