Trapped in the Drive-Thru

Seven O'Clock in the evening Watchin' somethin' stupid on TV I'm zoned out on the sofa When my wife comes in the room and sees me And she says "is this 'Behind the Music' With Lynard Skynard?" And I say I don't know Say, it's gettin' late, watcha wanna do for dinner? She says "I kinda had a big lunch So I'm not super hungry" I said, well you know, baby, I'm not starvin' either But I could eat" She said "So whadya have in mind?" I said I don't know what about you? She said "I don't care, if you're hungry, let's eat" I said that's what we're gonna do! But first you gotta tell me What it is you're hungry for! And she says "let me think, What's left in our refrigerator?" I said well, there's tuna, I know She said "That went bad a week ago!" I said is the chili okay? She said "you finished that yesterday!" I hopped up and I said I don't know, do you want to get something delivered? She's like "why would I want to eat liver? I don't even like liver!" I'm like no, I said 'delivered' She's like "I heard you say liver!" I'm like I should know what I said She's like "whatever, I just don't want any liver!" Well I was gonna say something But my cell phone started to ring Now who could be callin' me? Well I checked my caller ID It was just cousin Larry Callin' for the third time today My wife said "Let it go to voicemail" I said okay Where were we? Oh, Dinner, Right So what d'ya want to do? She said "why don't you whip up somethin in the kitchen?" Yeah, I said why don't you? And then she said "baby, can't we just go out to dinner, please?" I says no She says "yes" I says no She says "yes" I says no She says "yes Oh, here's your keys" I step a little bit closer Say okay, where ya want to go? She says "how about The Ivy?" I said yeah, well I don't know I don't feel like gettin all dressed up And eatin' expensive food She's says "Olive Garden?" I say nah, I'm not in the mood And Burrito King would make me gassy There's no doubt She says "Just forget about it" I said no, I swear I'm gonna take you out! Then I get an idea I says I know what we'll do! She says "What?" I say, guess? She says "What?" I say we're goin' to the drive-thru! So we head out the front door Open the garage door Then I open the car doors And we get in those car doors Put my key in the ignition And then I turn it sideways Then we fasten our seat belts As we pull out the driveway Then we drive to the drive-thru Heading off to the drive-thru We're approaching the drive-thru Getting close to the drive-thru! Almost there at the drive-thru Now we're here at the drive thru Here in line at the drive-thru Did I mention the drive-thru? Well here we are In the drive-thru line, me and her Cars in front of us, cars in back of us All just waiting to order There's some idiot in a Volvo With his brights on behind me I lean out the window and scream Hey, Whatcha tryin to do, blind me? My wife says "maybe we should park We could just go eat inside" I said I'm wearin' bunny slippers So I ain't leavin' this ride Now a woman on a speaker box Is sayin' "Can I take your order, please?" I said yes indeed, you certainly can We'd like two hamburgers with onions and cheese Then my wife says "Baby, hold on, I've changed my mind! I think I'm gonna have a chicken sandwich Instead, this time" I said you always get a cheeseburger! She says "That's not what I'm hungry for" I put my head in my hands and screamed, I don't know who you are anymore! The voice on the speaker says "I don't have all day!" I said, then, take our order, And we'll be on our way! I wanna get a chicken sandwich And I want a cheeseburger, too She's like "you want onions on that?" I'm like, yeah, I already said that I do Plus we need curly fries And don't you dare forget it! And two medium root beers No, just one, we'll split it" Then I said I'm guessin' that You're probably not too bright So read me back my order Let's make sure you got it right She says "one, you want a chicken sandwich Two, you want a cheeseburger Three, curly fries, and a large root beer" Stop, don't go no further! I never ordered a large rootbeer I said medium, not large! Then she says "we're havin' a special, I supersized you at no charge" "Oh" and that's all I could say, was "Oh" And she says "now there is somethin' else That I really think you should know You can have unlimited refills For just a quarter more" I say, great, except we're in the drive thru So what would I want that for? Then she says "Wait a minute Your voice sounds so familiar hey, is this Paul? And my wife is all like "no, that ain't Paul, Now tell me, who's this Paul? She says "Oh, he's just some guy Who goes to school with me I sat behind him last year And I copied off him in Geometry I said I know a guy named Paul He used to be my plumber He was prematurely bald And he moved to Pittsburgh last summer He also had bladder problems And a really bad infection on his toe And she said "Mister, please, you can stop right there, That's way more than I needed to know!" And then we both were quiet And things got real intense Then she says "next window please, That'll be five dollars and eighty two cents" So we inched ahead in line Movin' painfully slow I got a little bored So I turned on the radio Click, turned it off Because my wife was getting a headache So we both just sat there quietly For her sake Then I looked at her And she looked back at me And I said umm, I think you have somethin' in your teeth She turned away from me And then turned back and said "did I get it?" I said yeah well, I mean, most of it But hey, ya know, don't sweat it Then she said "how about now?" I said yeah, almost There's still a little bit there But don't worry, it's probably just a piece of toast" Now we're at the pay window Or whatever you call it Put my hand in my pocket I can't believe there's no wallet! And the lady at the window's like, "Well, well, well, that'll be five eighty two" I turn around to my wife, and say How much have you got on you? She just rolls her eyes and says "I'll pay for this, I guess" So she reaches into her purse And pulls out the American Express I hand it to the lady And she says "oh, dear It's gotta be cash only We don't take credit cards here" I took back the card and said Gee, really? Well that sucks And that's when I found out My wife was only carryin' three bucks I said I thought you were Going to hit the ATM today She says "I never got around to it So where's your wallet anyway? And I said never mind, Just help me to find some change Now the lady at the window Is lookin' at me kinda strange And she says "Mister, please, We gotta move this line along" I said now hold your stinkin' horses lady, We won't be long So, we looked around inside the glove-box And check the mat beneath my feet I found a nickel in the ashtray And a couple pennies and a dime in the space between he seats Before long I had a little pile Of coins of every sort The lady counts it up and says "You're still about a dollar short" And now my woman's got this weird look Frozen on her face She screams, "you know I wasn't even really hungry in the first place" And so I turned around To the cashier again I shrugged and said okay Forget the chicken sandwich then So I pick up my change Pick up my receipt And I drive to the pickup window Man, I just can't wait to eat And now we see this acne ridden Kid about sixteen Wearin' a dorky name tag that says "Hello, my name is Eugene" And he hands me a paper bag I look him in the eyes And I say to him, hey, Eugene, Could I get some ketchup for my fries? Well he looks at me And I look at him And he looks at me And I look at him And he looks at me And I look at him And he says "I'm sorry What did you want again?" I say ketchup! And he says "oh yeah, that's right I just spaced out there for a second I'm really kind of burnt tonight" And then he hands me the ketchup And now we're finally drivin' away And the food is drivin' me mad With its intoxicati