Gaston

Gosh, it disturbs me to see you Gaston Looking so down in the dumps Every guy here'd love to be you, Gaston Even when taking your lumps There's no man in town as admired as you You're everyone's favorite guy Everyone's awed and inspired by you And it's not very hard to see why No one's slick as Gaston No one's quick as Gaston No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's For there's no man in town half as manly Perfect, a pure paragon You can ask any Tom, Dick, or Stanley And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on Who play cards like Gaston? Who break hearts like Gaston? Who's much more than the sum of his parts like Gaston? As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating My, what a guy, that Gaston! I needed encouragement Thank you LeFou Well, there's no one as easy to bolster as you Too much? Yep No one fights like Gaston Douses lights like Gaston In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston When I hunt, I sneak up with my quiver And beasts of the field say a prayer First I carefully aimed for the liver And I shot from behind Is that fair? I don't care No one hits like Gaston Matches wits like Gaston In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston I'm especially good at expectorating Ten points for Gaston When I was a lad, I ate four dozen eggs Every morning to help me get large And now that I'm grown, I eat five dozen eggs So I'm roughly the size of a barge Who has brains like Gaston Entertains like Gaston! Who can make up these endless refrains like Gaston I use antlers in all of my decorating Say it again Who's the man among men? Who's the super success? Don't you know? can't you guess? Ask his fans and his five hangers-on There's just one guy in town, who's got all of it down And his name's G-A-S-T I believe there's another T It just occurred to me that I'm illiterate And I've never actually have to spell it out loud before Gaston