Nihilistic Deathbed

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Vontred

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Stop, take a step back and check, my my my
Slob, can't hold a job, inspect, why why why
Basket case, mind laid waste, lie lie lie
Hazard ace, flight risk face, die die die
Held back by my family from offing myself
I cough and I belch, plan my coffin in stealth
Safe was the way I played the cards I was dealt
Now my heart screams for help, full of scars that I felt
Never one to risk it, never was a fucking misfit
Every chance that I found, found a reason and pissed it
Everlasting martyr with a blade to my artery
Though nevermore a bother as my pump starts stuttering
Room gets quiet, vivid colors dancing around on my eyelids
I brood in silence, as I see another kind of life passing by me
Tick tock tick tock
Hands of time go tick tock
Drip drop drip drop
Blood on the hands goes drip drop
Steadfast faith in myself on my nihilistic deathbed
Expectations all met on my nihilistic deathbed
Game, set, match, yep, on my nihilistic deathbed
Illusions and lies breastfed on my nihilistic deathbed
Everything I want to fill the void in my life
A distraction from the question I avoid in my strife
What the f*ck if my balls were rife
And I wasn't busy picking death's door with a knife
Acidic self-doubt is my ball and my chain
So I hide it in stout because the window need a pane
All the world to gain, only bottles I've slain
I've become my worst fear, a spectacular fail
Cause I fumbled my gears, I slid and stalled
Now I'm stuck with my life, running from withdrawals
And I'm hiding from my wife, seeing empty halls
With no place for me, hearing reaper's calls
I burned the f*ck out barking up the wrong tree
Now I've lost my route, I'm in a fog, on the sea
But dad can't pout because a rock I need to be
So I drown my mind and fake a sick leave
Room gets quiet, vivid colors dancing around on my eyelids
I brood in silence, as I see another kind of life passing by me
Tick tock tick tock
Hands of time go tick tock
Drip drop drip drop
Blood on the hands goes drip drop
Steadfast faith in myself on my nihilistic deathbed
Expectations all met on my nihilistic deathbed
Game, set, match, yep, on my nihilistic deathbed
Illusions and lies breastfed on my nihilistic deathbed

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