2021

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I started the year in another state, but also in another state of mind
I think i need to rewind
And get this shit off my chest cause i really need to vent
And just sit down and figure out where this year went

I started with the girl of my dreams
And maybe I'll look back and realize that she wasn't really for me
But I'm tired and lost, i miss her a lot
And i really aughtta take this pain and spark it to a flame 
And just knock it out the park, but my life has been dark
Just been staring at the door, just hopin she knocks
But I'm over it, done with it, i just want the pain to stop, my hope is lost
I'm one who caused it
I can't resolve it
It's a lost cause, but these withdrawals keep eatin me
Untill recently i screamed f*ck this
And i got out my bed and i went in my bag
And just spat all these rhymes like I'm runnin out of time
Just to clear my fuckin mind and to regain my pride

Makin music with the bros has helped me compose myself
And love myself it's the only way i could think to help myself
In these dark times, spit these sick rhymes, with these friends of mine
Who always got my back, to hell and back
There's no tellin that we won't cut the chat
And just flip this whole shit with the game on our backs
It's a nice thought but these dark thoughts keep eatin me 
And they won't let me breathe

I need to relax but i can feel all my cracks and they're growin, they're showin
The faults in myself
The faults in my health
The faults that i couldn't cope with since i was fuckin 12

Got so much shit in my head, feel like I'm dead, or i should be
Wouldn't that be perfect
No it wouldn't be

I had a run in with death, and i didn't quite like it
It's frightening tho i don't quite like to admit it
I still hear it, i still feel it, in my veins, in my bones, i don't like to be alone

I had a gun to my head
I coulda been dead
One second longer and i woulda been shot dead

But I'm still standin, that's gotta mean
Somethin, the dude was prolly bluffin but i didn't wanna try it
Gun to my cheek, he wanted all my pockets
Unreleased song in my headphones, i thought I'd never drop it
Thought I'd never see my loved ones again
But i ain't got time to dwell on this shit again
It's done, it's over, I'm alive
I don't feel like it, but physically I'm fine
Got this weight on my back and i feel like I'm on track to die before I'm 30
And it wouldn't be because i got my own hands dirty

This stress that I've built up has started to kill
And i honestly feel like I've lost all my will
I just sit in my bed and i tell all my friends that i don't have time
And that I'm alright, try not to worry
But I'm trapped in my own hell and my misery
Keeps eatin me alive, i don't know if i have time to survive for real
I feel, like i don't even know who i am or if I'm real
I'm losin control of my mind and my thoughts
So I'll just what I'm best at and throw Em in a box

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