kinda don't wanna exist

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Elisa Ailes

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Kinda don't want to exist
But I'll deal with it
Put on my makeup
Make it look like I'm on top of shit
Breaking at the seams but no one seems to notice me
Gotten way too good at acting like I'm over it

Kinda don't want to exist
But it's not that bad
I'm just a little bit dramatic
Get it from my dad
And he would tell you I've been like this since I was a child
Anyway, it will work out it always does somehow

I just don't know how to regulate my emotions
Empty or spilling over
(That's all I know)

Don't want to exist
I'm just winging it
Thought by now I would've found a way to deal with this
But I'm stuck on autopilot,
My life's on repeat
Swear a year ago feels like it happened just last week

Really don't want to exist
But is that so bad?
Would anybody even notice if I weren't around?
It's not like I want to die
I'm just thinking out loud
I wish everyone would stop asking if I'm alright
(Ugh)

I just don't know how to regulate my emotions
Empty or spilling over
(That's all I know)
I just don't know how to
Stop these thoughts from coming
Maybe I'm the problem
(Don't want to know)

I'm sorry

(I see you)
(You think you're funny?)

Sometimes I wonder if I even want to be okay
Is that okay?

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