Beside Me (Goodbye, I'm Sorry)

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tRiCkY j

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Dear Mum, it's tricky, Jake
And I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I can't carry on
Please just know that I love you, with all my heart
So, where do I start?
I'm sorry I give up
Well Just listen

The darkness surrounds me, and I'm losing my way
Still feels like I'm drowning, and I don't wanna stay
I'm trapped below waves, I can't breathe I suffocate
I used to look for a way, to get away, to try to escape
But now I'm just lost, and I don't even wanna be found
I feel so cold, standing high above looking deep down
The howling wind blows, I shake as it throws me around
I'm ready to go, close my eyes, lay to rest in the ground
Coz I've been dealing with shit every single day and night
Battling depression and anxiety it's time I gave up the fight
And the voices in my head always knew I wouldn't survive
Just wish you could've accepted me as your son a real guy
I'm never gonna grow up and be the father I hoped to be
A better father my real dad, John should have really been
Too bad I'll never know him, and you'll never ever get to see
The man I truly am, but you and the rest of the family never believed, in me

I'm standing on the bridge of the city
And I'm kicking dirt around, on the concrete
And I'm wishing you were here right beside me
Coz I'm 2000 feet above, from being free

Feeling alright, yeah, it's a lie, I tell to let you think I'm okay
Coz you don't really wanna hear what I really feel every day
I would tell you, but you don't even support me being Jake
When I came out, you showed hate, like I was one to blame
Mum, being trans isn't a choice, and it's sad you never cared
If you did, maybe I wouldn't be breaking, wishing I were dead
But this isn't your fault, its mine, and the thoughts in my head
I hope you can forgive me, before I make the jump to my death
Yeah, my time is almost up, so when I go mum please be strong
I'm sorry I had to do this, I never felt like I belonged no not once
Tell Tiff, Dyl and Bree I love them, n tell them to keep their chin up
And Jim you were a gift to my mum, please help her stay strong
I couldn't cope with all the hurt, pain n discomfort I tried to deal with
And you'd never understand my gender dysphoria I had tried to live in
It's time to say goodbye, don't cry just try to remember me with a grin
I'm sorry to have to leave, man I hope god will accept me into heaven

I'm standing on the bridge of the city
And I'm kicking dirt around, on the concrete
And I'm wishing you were here right beside me
Coz I'm 2000 feet above, from being free
Goodbye I'm Sorry

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