I Need to be a Goddess

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Ishroyale

8:10

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Each image, I cannot retrieve
Conversations committed to transcripts and pottery
Disintegrating eclipsed by significance
In drift among discernment and petty sentiment
Joyful insidious howls from the back of the barroom
Finger picking and strums from the stage, a blushing heirloom
Hipbones, jaunting and folded, like paper napkins coast
Precipitating barfly's glass sheds liquid
Sizzling neon humming, like an awkward uniform
A cure, incantations under storm

Invasive occupancy of your pain
To bar you from harm
Is to deny your agency's reign
My longing to protect
Is an attempt to preserve some non-existent image
But I love you like brothers
This space we built is leaving malleable and waining
Under a camera or an apartment containing
Tears that fall when we catch the other straining
Pervasive intricacies of an airplane bathroom
Alike the incomprehensible unfurling structures
Bonds woven in afternoons
Of solemn laughter and chatter
Each physical length growing insufferable

Desiring machines and dreary homicides
Arsenic for deafening housewives
Chemistry, orchestras, prison notebooks and pliers
Bombshells, bureaucrats, dumbbells, cataracts
Retiring and weary like porch step thermostats
Hegemony, checkerboards, neighborhoods and crunching fliers
I long to see my grandparents
Hug them tightly, attempt their accents
Humor and quarreling, discussion of taxes
In witching hours when manure is pungent
As purple horizons consume the sunset
Stucco walls and recliners keep us secret
Chris and Dorothy
Peter and Jackie
Richard and Mary
Les and Sally
Mutual care exceeds the body

Herman looks alive in those photos
Made his departure by the phone
In that smile shaped driveway
In front of our former home
Where a new family lives
But probably won't for long
I need to be
A Goddess emergent from sleep
An entity of tenacity
Resentment is belief
In the quality of being
Spend my evenings copying
Pages of my parents handwriting

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