Hanging On

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prodbybrooks

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I'm just hanging on
Hope you're proud of me
I wish to be gone
But still had to leave you
I think I fall in love with
The wrong people
All my friends are gone
Even when I need 'em
Trapped in four walls
With no posters on 'em
Trying to say the right words
But I'm choking on 'em
No longer wanna get up and act okay
My actions prove
I should be locked away
Knowing if I drink, I'll end up saying
Something that I can't take back again
Drinking's the only thing
Keeping me going
But I'm sober now
And she was the only thing
That made life worth it
And she hates me now
My codependency just ruins it all
Cause now I have
No one to answer my calls
And even though I was too late to save
I wanted to hear your voice
(One last time)
I think I ruined it all
Why does it end in self sabotage
My wrists to build myself up
Downing some and
Getting fucked up
I can't find not one silver lining
F*ck a new day, man
I'm tired of trying
I told you I'm dying
You told me stop crying
Can't even make music
I'm so sick of writing
How could hell really feel any worse
Than right now
I'm down
Been getting kicked by life
And then started to drown
In my own brain
Thinking of nothing but that face
And I still can't find a way
Cause even with, can't escape
I remember when met me up
At the Lowes
And told me ending it won't ever
Make me feel at home
And said if no one cared
She was there
Fast forward a year
And I fear to look into her eyes
She'd hoped that I had died
And honestly for too long
I've had the same hopes
How do I look into the mirror
When my whole life is a joke
They think my attempts are for
Attention
So who would wanna listen
If they think it's just a bad day
And tomorrow
I'll be grinning
So sick and tired of shielding
Everyone else
When I'm bleeding
Cause I'm always that
Shoulder to cry on
Or that smile when they need it
Give my own shirt off my back
And they would never have to ask
But a simple
How you doing
Starts to seem like a huge task
I'm just hanging on
Hope you're proud of me
I wish to be gone
But still had to leave you
A love letter
A parting gift
I know better
This how it ends
I know I put it all in you
And lost it all because that
I knew what I was getting to
But still, I never fall back
I learned the biggest lesson
But it came with bigger costs
You were my biggest blessing
Subsequently, biggest loss
It's hard to remember a time
Without you
Haven't smiled since
I try to change, do things different
Keep on making friends
But even they have daggers
That are drawn straight to my back
I'm putting up more walls
And I don't think I'm coming back
Just wanna say thank you for
The good times that we had
I know we fucked each other up
It ended pretty bad
But I still hold our summers
Way too close
To my heart
I'm nearing my end but
They all think it's just my start
I'm lost now
And it's been too long
To ever find my way back again
Take care
I hope you got your hammock
I'm just hanging on
Hope you're proud of me
I wish to be gone
But I had to leave you
A love letter
A parting gift
I know better
This how it ends

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