then there was colour

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Ben James

Ben James is a musical artist known for their soulful and heartfelt music. They have gained recognition for their smooth vocals and introspective lyrics. Their music combines elements of R&B, jazz, and pop, creating a unique and captivating sound. Ben James' songs often touch upon themes of love, personal growth, and self-reflection. Their soulful voice and emotive style have garnered them a dedicated fan base, and they continue to create music that resonates with listeners. more »

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I had to centre myself, be at one
Take a step back from all that I've created and realise what it is that I have done
My art is an extension of my heart and is not laid
Before the public in order to be judged
I need to realize that
Each time I step on a stage I become so afraid
And I hate who it is that I become
A nervous wreck, a shadow of my former self now
I know these words sound dumb as I stand upon a stage
And perform a piece that I originally created purely for the fun
For the escape, for what it means to me
I need to realise that the microphone is not my enemy
It is here to magnify, amplify all that is in me
When faced with it my words will clutch the air in each lung
My brain forgets how to send signals to my tongue
Betrayed by my own instincts my instincts scream
That I should create I should perform
But my legs, my legs tell me I should run

Even in the studio
I can be as comfortable as possible but the nerves are colossal
The words are there, the beats prepared, and I buckle
I know how I should sound, how I should look
I remember the emotion when the lyrics inside poured out
I pretend that I have tried everything
I pretend no one will hear it, I pretend I don't care
But when I hit R keyboard and logic enables record
The metronome clicks one, two, three, four I feel so scared
I am obsessed with perfection, with honesty, with trust, with creation
And it is so hard trying to juggle these things
When you're subconsciously unwilling wanting protection
I cannot stand the way I sound on certain songs
I cannot stand how much I hold back when I perform
Turns out I have been searching for confidence in all the wrong places
Thinking that the more words I laced through pages
The less scared I would be on the rare occasions my feet take to stages
I was wrong

It's all down to the experience. The shows. The people. The life that lived
The energy. The art. The talent. Create... My gift
I am so done being ashamed of my art
I am a rapper
That sentence is normally followed by an explanation...
You know not the chavy type, it's more old school, more poetic, less harsh
So scared of being judged. So scared of being thought of as less
What makes me feel my art worthless. thought as the lesser to express
And even more to the point. Why do I care
Why do I burden myself with the thoughts of worry of what lies
Behind the eyes of those blank stares
Writing means the world to me and is the fibre of my very being
Though I am lacquered in self doubt. Self destruction. Self sabotage
I cannot deny this feeling
I am done with the courteous seek of approval and the want to be appealing

This is ours. our art. our creation. our love
This is made from dust and dreamer's blood

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