Cultivated

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Liam De Paux

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I'm sick of feeling like I can't feel
My emotions are like the invention of the wheel
I feel them in the beginning
But I don't know what they'll become
Laying back in a chair
Letting the world crumble behind me as I feel numb

I remember when I started feeling normally in 8th grade
I wasn't pushing or hiding from anything and damn that felt great
It's like that was the year of feelings
And off they went, and that's what I hate
I would've preferred not feeling at all as opposed to this shameful fate
Sometimes, I don't know if I'm sad till I feel my face is wet
And when I realize I'm sad it goes away and I'm back to the regret
But in fact, look at me I haven't even begun to fret
Cause even my dogs feel things like when he doesn't get pet
Or when I let the depression pile up I let it
Because one of these days I won't know what I'm feeling
And do something and regret it
I'm not a danger to anyone just myself
Don't fill my shoes and put your feelings on a shelf
You're not listening to a crazed man
You're likely listening to you
I feel like social media has caused us to fade man
You can just snap a few photos and bam the new you
Like what the f*ck were we thinking
We're building our castle on sand and our façade is slowly sinking
Hell when I'm twenty-one I'll likely turn to drinking
Because I feel like being numb is better than slowly shrinking
I have a fake name
In fact, I don't know many people that don't
Even if it's disguised as the same name
But you won't act like yourself you won't
We're afraid of what exactly
We take nothing matter-of-factly
It's like we're angry and confused and hurt
And we can't put our fingers on it
So we just find people to disagree with and hash it out in the comments
We never lookout for what we may have in common
Just what we don't
I think that's just part of being human right down to the bone
A wise man said it well
We're just monkeys in shoes
And not to mention, life is swell
I feel like I can't lose
Aside from all these questions I have
I shouldn't deny the beauty
Cause Jesus the beauty of the world always beckons
And taking the gesture is our duty
You can't sit and wait for the world to consume you
It's good to be outside looking in sometimes
But not everything is about you
Or me
That's why I hate that I was cultivated by social media
It's the opposite of everything I've been saying to ya

And if you're feeling depressed
No need to stress, put down your phone
Take the mess, unwind, and stop feeling alone
If you got no one to turn and nowhere to go
I'm always here
My name is Liam De Paux

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