More Than This Life

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Saandro

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I pretend things don't bother me when, when they do
And... I'm trying to play this off and like
I'm trying to think this doesn't bother me
This doesn't bother me not at all
And you know what? It fucking does sometimes
I feel like I'm mourning everything
I feel like I'm mourning the family I never got to have
I mourn it. I hope I have it. I just. And I'm scared to be less of a person.
I just... don't know what to do anymore.
It's dark inside
Everything just feels so rough and amplified and I am trying to figure out what to do

Too many indiscretions and miscommunications
Seem to always happen so the good path can be taken
Trying to make sure I don't make this mistake again
Following or breaking, I toed the line I know you want an explanation
Let me tell you mine

I broke so many boundaries that I'm not really proud of
You were working three years on jealousy and trying to change for me
I was working three years to have a word and let you hear me
I never asked you this you just tried to change for me 
And I couldn't express it because you were scared of what they were thinking
Im trying to figure out what to do but you wanted it so perfect
You were scared I would be mean and I tried damn hard to be nice  done that so
I can't omit my dates but I have to omit my problems
The trials and tribulations, we were never fucking perfect
You say I give you half truths but you got me to feel bad boo
Had me sympathetic and I did your bidding and call
Tried to take control of me like you were the expert
Sure you know some tricks but I needed an extension
Got me dates and babes I had one foot out the door
I said we could write these rules down but you didn't want to
Expected me to know it all and it was hard to keep track of
By the time you hear this you'll say that's not how it really happened
You were tired of my novels and wanted all this effort
Did it through my words, I begrudgingly accepted I was at fault
I did acts of service to go up and beyond for the hurt
Try to make it up and put in the work
It took time but this comfort froze out
I became cold and wanted more then this life though

More than this life though
More than this life though
More than this life though
More than this life though

Here's the flower for the time you want him to let him down let him down gently
Here's your flower when you wanted to run away with him
Here's your flower for sharing songs associating with me on your playlist 
And making it about him
Here's your flower for the time I didn't give you yours
Here's your flower for the times you made me cry 
When you were mean and I was scared
Here's your flower for compartmentalizing and not letting me mourn my trauma
Here's your flower for you excusing what he did to me
Here's your flower they're worthless
You hit the miscarriage for the first four months
Then you try to keep me around
It's close to leading me on
That's not a happy life
These were all the signs and I had to figure out why I did this all the fucking time
And I'm standing here, I'm still standing here
I was standing here, I was still standing
Still standing, still standing

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