How It Used To Be

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KeyeN Pharoah

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Three in the morning
Wide awake and I'm restless
About another day
Waking up feeling helpless
Try staying strong
While I carry on
Ignoring the fact
That all my hope gone
I know
There have to be a better way Holding my head high
And looking forward
To them brighter days
Ain't nothing new for me
But still I needa get free
Wish things could go back
To how it used to be

It's hard not to feel
Mentally scarred
When life was set for failure From the very start
C section out the womb
It was nearly doomed
A seed
That almost had no chances
To even bloom
But it wasn't my time
Cause god pulled me through Without the slightest clue
Of what a nigga bound to do
I knew the holy hand
Must have a plan
Unsure about the concept
Then I came to understand
As a child always had fun
Living and being wild
All smiles
Maybe it gon stay this way
For a while
Jumping up and down
Just straight clown
Foolish lil bastard
Who loved to play around
My life was just a huge mystery One a boy like me
Never really cared for
Didn't wanna see
Long before the pain and misery Miss my fondest memories Reminiscing back
On how things used to be
Junior high days
Being one of those poor kids
I was always last
To get what all my peers did Yeah
Growing up sucked
Never had much
Eager for the bells ring
For schools lunch
Making sure my belly's stuffed Fitted with baggy
Hand me down clothes
Staff and students
Always judged a nigga
On the low
But I could hear them
Behind closed doors
Told myself one day
Imma rock that fancy shit
Out of the stores
Skipping years
Stressed senior damn time flew Rare black teen I guess
Suddenly a niggas cool
Dummies
Tried to play me for a fool
Got the wrong one
Like Mosses
I could sea right through It all Son
Every time they playing
Rap songs
White boys max it
Trying make me sing along
And getting mad
When I called them out
Cause they ain't homies
Just phonies
Trying to get
Some type of culture clout
Shit
This is how it's always been
I kept it real
Which means a nigga
Barley got any real friends
To me the logic
Never made any real sense
Can't teach blind suckers
To see any difference
I'm peeping life
Two different views
Myself
Select few with my crew man Nobody else
So one time for the ones
Who really knew
Why Shemar's small circle
Never fucking grew

Three in the morning
Wide awake and I'm restless
About another day
Waking up feeling helpless
Try staying strong
While I carry on
Ignoring the fact
That all my hope gone
I know
There have to be a better way Holding my head high
And looking forward
To them brighter days
Ain't nothing new for me
But still I needa get free
Wish things could go back
To how it used to be

Finally grown man now
Enter early twenties
Had a little glow up
Yet people still funny
Cause they say I have an ego Probably since
I lead my whole life
And never followed
Having petty disputes
Within my own community Momma white daddy black
So not a true minority
Niggas asked
You ever been harassed by police
Bitch please
Never caught a break
When I was rolling
In my black prix
Can't describe
What it feels like on inside
My eyes are blessings and a curse At the same time
Spending many years
Looking for a reason why
Ironically still searching
Tho I think I'm blind
Living everyday
Really ain't as it seems
Like a niggas stuck
Caught up in a bad dream
God help me see
What do It all mean
Stress heavy on my mind
At night I can't sleep

Three in the morning
Wide awake and I'm restless
About another day
Waking up feeling helpless
Try staying strong
While I carry on
Ignoring the fact
That all my hope gone
I know
There have to be a better way Holding my head high
And looking forward
To them brighter days
Ain't nothing new for me
But still I needa get free
Wish things could go back
To how it used to be

Make it how it used to be
Make it how it used to be
Can it all go back
To how it used to be
Please god
Make it how it used to be

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