Death By Dedication
C. S. Phoenix
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What you call dedication I call disorder In high school I was dedicated Dedicated to exercising in place of eating Dedicated to a steady regiment of diet pills and laxatives I looked healthy Because I was tearing myself apart from the inside In college I was dedicated to lunch hour swims and daily 2 hour lifting sessions I was dedicated to drinking more water than my body could process And not knowing what Ben and Jerry's tasted like In adulthood I have been dedicated to sticking to the list of foods I've made So that I don't have to obsess over my meal planning But instead feel guilt and shame when I eat off my schedule I have been dedicated to my workout regiment Even when I am tired, injured, or ill What looks to the outside like dedication Feels a lot like I'm killing myself slowly So no one will notice And when I die In my eulogy They will not speak of my disorder, but my dedication
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