Yesterday

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Yesterday the sun was shining
My friend got bit
By a spider in Mexico
After he remarked on my
Thinning hair
My second cousin told me
His friend
Killed himself

My left ear
Felt a bit clogged
And I started taking
Allergy medication

When I was younger
After reading a book
And talking to some people
I decided to think and say
That I was allergic to alcohol
It felt innocuous
Even inoculating
And it gave me entry
To rooms full of people talking
At nearly all times of the day and night
In Los Angeles
And in Naples, Florida
Where I visited my grandparents
And resisted having sex with strangers
In my grandparents' car

Yesterday I calculated how old I was
When my parents were my age
I was seventeen
And had recently come out of the closet
In the middle of the AIDS crisis
I was working as a Teen Advocate
At the local free health clinic
Educating my peers about
Safer sex and birth control
I thought coming out of the closet
Was going to end my marauding
Depressive moods
I'd found the answer
It was labelling myself a homosexual
For all to see

There's an overdose crisis going on now
And I was on a conference call yesterday
With police and fire chiefs
Executive directors of big health authorities

When first responders go to attend an overdose
And the person lives
What then?
If they come across someone who's struggling
Or asking for help
In the middle of the night
What then?

We're all getting to know each other better
Those of us who were on the conference call
The police and fire chiefs aren't talking about
"How do we just stop people from taking drugs in the first place?"
Anymore
I think it's settled in that you can't educate away
Someone's attempts to meet an unmet human need
For pleasure
An absence of pain
For the easy connection that can come
When you know you and everyone around you
Are in a similarly altered state
And you can share about your dad abusing your mom
While writhing with ecstatic sensitivity
To the touches on your skin
The earlobe against your lips
As you whisper a magical word
Over and over again until it loses its meaning
But remains at the centre of all significance
Undulating

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