SICKWISHES

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mekel

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I used to fall asleep and pray you'd be disloyal to me
So I could cut the ties and you would lose your hold on me
But when it happened it did so unexpectedly
And from your ties, I find myself still unravelling
I used to wonder why you loved me so conditionally
What did I have to do to prove that I could lose me
To your wants and all your needs and be your everything
What did I have to do to make it mean something
Sick wishes
Don't get it twisted
All my headaches faded
Now you're gone
Sick wishes
Don't get it twisted
I still wish that they'd proved me wrong
I used to second guess the love you'd sold me on receiving
So I could hide behind the lies I'd told myself I wasn't deserving
Of more because I'd grown to be so unappealing
And from your lies, I find myself still unravelling
I used to cry and deny that I should do the leaving
Didn't want to claim your hurt as my responsibility
But your way of hurting never made it easy for me
There was too much blame for me to do the shouldering
Sick wishes
Don't get it twisted
Breathing's easy
When it's for no one
Sick wishes
Don't get it twisted
I still wish that you'd prove me wrong
Was it because I wasn't down for the bleeding?
Had me convinced I had earned your seething
By my inaction to your reactions
Tell me when did this become a transaction
Too many ways you could tie me down
And too many white cars in this small town
Stuck in a loop headed for the casket
I don't bet but I think you planned it

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