Deteriorating

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Ab Normal

3:33

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I'm overdosing as I'm overthinking
Overwhelming myself and bottling all this shit up inside me
Tryna hide shit but they can see that I'm slowly falling apart, from this chaos inside my mind
I'm losing it, losing my shit
And ending my relationships
Unhealed trauma, and everyday I keep reliving it
It gets triggered by anything
Running from myself, I'm a walking contradiction
Everyday having thoughts about ending my existence
Living a early life crisis, but it feels like my death is around the corner
And I never leave my house and so I live life as a loner
And I can't tell my friends how I feel I don't why I don't call them

Yet, I don't feel like talking with anyone
I'm trapping myself, further in my head
Suppressing myself
I'm really done, feels like my mind is gone
At this point I just might drink a bottle of alcohol until my heart stops
Having this permanent feeling of dread lingering inside of me constantly
Causing me to wanna rid me of myself, and suicide's been on my mind recently
It feels like I'm set to suffer eternally

Praying to God every night before I sleep
Hope I get a spark of bliss in my dreams
But instead demons whisper in my ears
And next I'm living my nightmares

Trapped inside my head, glance right and left of myself I
Feel like mentally crippled, I feel pain when I try to talk
When I try communicate, I just feel like I'm on restraints
Hoping to spit these words out, but I bottle and swallow them
'Cause younger me when I did that it was handled by violence
And emotions trapped inside of me depleted my confidence
And with time I started noticing how it affected my consciousness
Slowly breaking me mentally, driving me off the deep end
Coping with substances that my body cannot handle till I'm sleeping
What an awful feeling
I'm suffocating
Don't know if I'm gonna make it
I feel like my soul is fading
And I don't wanna die young

All I really ever wanted was only to live peacefully
Cause I've been getting tired of fighting myself recently
Caught up, stuck in my mental, mentally deteriorating
Starting to see my thoughts as reality that I'm facing
Suffering delusions, getting harder everyday and time given I waste
As death I contemplate
My past is unforgiven, and so now I have been forsaken
Left with nothing but my thoughts eating up all my patience

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