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Filanthropy

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The point of these songs is never to elevate myself
But all the things that i've been talking
Like i don't care if i end up alone and dead with no one knowing me
All i need and all i want is the message to ring loud and clear
To all the people who have felt the way i feel
And stumbled down and lost themselves
In all the haze we call our lives
I've done it in a daily basis
Struggling to hold on tight
To what i have right in front of my eyes
All the blessings in disguise
Used to keep me up at night
I've been telling everyone around me that i've been okay
But honestly it's kinda funny that's the thing i lie about
Like i could choose to lie about so many other things
But the one to my own detriment tends to show its face more frequently
I need to stop cutting ties
With the people that i love
I push away the ones who care
And chase the ones who really don't
Cliche i know
To talk about
I have an issue
I should fix it
But it's not that easy
Maybe
But i'm working on it daily
I've been cut and scarred and burned before
So the pain resonates with me
I've been cut and scarred and burned before
I wanna say good bye
To the thoughts inside my mind
It'd be easier to cope
But i don't wanna watch them go
Leave me here all alone
This duality of thought
Likes to keep me up at night
I like to tell myself i'm fine
One day i might believe in my own lies
The sun can shine
And all i'd see is grey
It could be nighttime out
And i'd start crying from the beauty
I don't know why i am like this
Tend to see beauty in the darkness
But can't seem to see what's been in front of me this whole damn time
But i digress
Lately i've been getting stressed
Over little things, ignore the rest
I'm sick of feeling like a mess
When i ask around, no one seems to know
I set out to help the ones around me
In the process hurt myself
I hold the rope for them to climb
But cut it down before i join
I am my own worst enemy
Ironic that i'm saying it
I beat myself up
Then ask for help
Like i'm the victim
I wanna say good bye
It'd be easier to cope
But i don't wanna watch you go
Leave me here all alone
This duality of thought
Likes to keep me up at night
I like to tell myself i'm fine
One day i might believe in my own lies
The sun can shine
And all i'd see is grey
It could be nighttime out
And i'd start crying from the beauty
I don't know why i am like this
Tend to see beauty in the darkness
But can't seem to see what's been in front of me this whole damn time
But i digress
Lately i've been getting stressed
Over little things, ignore the rest
I'm sick of feeling like a mess
When i ask around, no one seems to know
I set out to help the ones around me
In the process hurt myself
I hold the rope for them to climb
But cut it down before i can join
Said i hold the rope for them to climb
But cut it down before i can join
Sometimes i feel so alone
Othertimes i just wanna be left alone
Right now i just want somebody in my home
Just to make me feel less alone
Cause lately i been feeling paranoid

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