Bring Me the Head of Dean Almaverdo

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Byron Fenris

4:15

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He stood at the window fists clenched and stared out at the quad
The dean's statue stood there like some vain idolator's god
Who has a statue built of him while he's alive?
It was an affront an insult to Phi Delta Phi!

"Get me a pledge" he said to his aide Remington Blaine
That skinny kid, nerdlinger, tartuffle, what was his name?"
Blaine brought the pledge back a poindexter Klopkis by name
A thumb toward the statue he turned to this Klopkis, proclaimed

Bring me the head of Dean Almaverdo
Bring me the head of Dean Almaverdo

The pledge Klopkis gasped and stared out at the statue in awe
"No I can't do I'll be caught no it's against the law"
He looked at the pledge and he rolled his eyes up to the sky
"Are you a cub scout or are you a Phi Delta Phi?

Bring me the head of Dean Almaverdo
Bring me the head of Dean Almaverdo

He stood at the window at dawn with his fists clenched and red
The arrogant insolent statue still posessed a head
He turned to yell for his aide (Name of Remington Blaine)
When outside his doorway a strange and unsettling sound came

It was a slow step a thump and a shuffling liquidy whack
Like a bowling ball dragged up the stairs in a water-filled sack
He threw back the door to see Klopkis a-standing outside
Holding a satchel and grinning with thousand yard eyes
He said "I'm sorry I'm late it took longer than you might expect
It was going OK then I got stuck on the bones in the neck"

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