Damned

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Krystal Evette

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I want to scream from the mountains above
Instead I am under the soil
You'll see a smile plastered on the surface
But my presence starting to spoil
There was a time I was life of a party
But now I'm alone in this room
The past is the past but it rips through my present
No one wants my cloudy days of gloom
1, 2, 3, go
Damned is isolation that locks me away
I no longer feel like myself
I feel I am breaking but I just fall apart
I no longer cry out for help
Damned is the silence for all of these long months
Still from mistakes and from my fears
Time loses meaning when life has no value
I cannot define days or years
1, 2, 3, go
Beaten and tortured, I lie cold on the floor
But I'm the ones who's hand's in a fist
My brain has my soul trapped tight inside a headlock
The bones ache inside of my wrist
I punish myself for things I cannot control
I feel like I deserve the pain
In the end I made it worse, it never gets better
I've yet to see a single form of gain
1, 2, 3, go
Damned is just breathing each inhale and exhale
To know that I'm still on the edge
I couldn't lean forward, afraid to take the leap
Betrayed myself, went against the pledge
Damned is just knowing I'll live with this forever
The horror film on loop between my ears
Can't take it back or fix it, it only did damage
So here I am just sitting in my fear
1, 2, 3, go
I can't shake these moments, they're tattooed on my mind
I've gone days without any sleep
It's hard to love myself when I feel so worthless
I've valued myself as dirt cheap
I scrub and i scrub but can't ever feel clean
My skin is stained with my past regret
Reliving that moment, it feels like I'm still there
Soaked in the breaths and soaked in the sweat
I don't blame the people, I know I'm the problem
I wanted gone, I thought it'd do the trick
Instead I just lie here, covered in the fear that
The moment still makes me feel sick
I was sworn to secret, I fear to sing this song
I haven't and won't repeat names
So now I'm left empty waiting for the end
Counting down the moments in my shame
4, 3, 2, 1

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