Hugo & Phillip
DJ Cul de Sac
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Phillip sure t'was a shy old chap Told from a young age to hush his trap So confidence was really was not his bag And his joy de vivre sure did sag But Hugo saw beyond the outward façade And realised this boy was unsculpted lard Ready to be shaped into any mould If only t'were Phillip to be more bold Said Hugo to Phillip now t'what's your strength Perhaps said Hugo it's my impressive length For 6 foot 3 makes up all of me Perhaps that's good reason to be happy Oh shut up Phillip you lanky twat No one gives a hoot about that Even if you are abnormally tall With that hunch back you look t'weak and small So come on Phillip you mongrel stray T'we still need to find t'where your real skills lay Phillip felt his vintage threads held a certain cache And declared himself a dab hand, at the old sword play Not now said Hugo put your cock away So sorry said Phillip, perhaps another day Next Hugo assessed Phillips ugly face And declared it to be a dismal disgrace But luckily my boy ginger beards are in So go cultivate one, to hide half your sin And just think, if you t'were only half as offensive Perhaps the masseurs you pay t'wouldn't be so expensive T'well Phillip's whorey outlays t'were a bone of contention That diminished investment into his t'work pension So Phillip declared that sounds good to me A ginger beard it will surely be Now Phillip let's take a look at that pitiful body You should be sued for neglect, it's so shockingly shoddy I'd hazard a guess you have never lifted a t'weight And that you eat from a trough in place of a plate Really now Phillip I do dismay T'weve got to hold that fatty tide, back from the bay You need a girdle, spanx and a mesh corset No time to t'waste, go buy the set Now pull out your love truncheon, let's see t'what you've got Assuming it hasn't yet fallen folly to genital rot Good lord Phillip, have you never heard of a gentleman's trim It's not like we're trying to hide a third limb The little chap in the forest can't be seen for the trees I'd hazard your member has never felt a cool breeze T'was then that Hugo broke down in a fit of tears T'wat is it Hugo cried Phillip dumb struck t'with fear I'm so sorry Philip that I have been so mean The truth is that on you, I'm rather keen I bloody love that t'wonky face And the t'way I've behaved has been a disgrace It's my own self-doubts that I can't keep under lock Which is t'why I made fun of your pathetic cock I tried to make you feel t'worthless and glum But my only agenda t'was fun with your bum Oh Hugo don't t'worry you sadistic fool I knew all along you t'weren't such a tool I've enjoyed this game of cat and mouse And your welcome to access the back door of my house Oh Phillip said Hugo, you monstrous delight You really are the light of my life And that t'was the first time the two men embraced As Hugo laid a soft kiss on Phillip's appalling face
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"Hugo & Phillip Lyrics." Lyrics.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 26 Apr. 2024. <https://www.lyrics.com/lyric-lf/5601450/DJ+Cul+de+Sac/Hugo+%26+Phillip>.
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