Hugo & Phillip

DJ Cul de Sac

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DJ Cul de Sac


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Phillip sure t'was a shy old chap
Told from a young age to hush his trap
So confidence was really was not his bag
And his joy de vivre sure did sag
But Hugo saw beyond the outward façade
And realised this boy was unsculpted lard
Ready to be shaped into any mould
If only t'were Phillip to be more bold
Said Hugo to Phillip now t'what's your strength
Perhaps said Hugo it's my impressive length
For 6 foot 3 makes up all of me
Perhaps that's good reason to be happy
Oh shut up Phillip you lanky twat
No one gives a hoot about that
Even if you are abnormally tall
With that hunch back you look t'weak and small
So come on Phillip you mongrel stray
T'we still need to find t'where your real skills lay
Phillip felt his vintage threads held a certain cache
And declared himself a dab hand, at the old sword play
Not now said Hugo put your cock away
So sorry said Phillip, perhaps another day
Next Hugo assessed Phillips ugly face
And declared it to be a dismal disgrace
But luckily my boy ginger beards are in
So go cultivate one, to hide half your sin
And just think, if you t'were only half as offensive
Perhaps the masseurs you pay t'wouldn't be so expensive
T'well Phillip's whorey outlays t'were a bone of contention
That diminished investment into his t'work pension
So Phillip declared that sounds good to me
A ginger beard it will surely be
Now Phillip let's take a look at that pitiful body
You should be sued for neglect, it's so shockingly shoddy
I'd hazard a guess you have never lifted a t'weight
And that you eat from a trough in place of a plate
Really now Phillip I do dismay
T'weve got to hold that fatty tide, back from the bay
You need a girdle, spanx and a mesh corset
No time to t'waste, go buy the set
Now pull out your love truncheon, let's see t'what you've got
Assuming it hasn't yet fallen folly to genital rot
Good lord Phillip, have you never heard of a gentleman's trim
It's not like we're trying to hide a third limb
The little chap in the forest can't be seen for the trees
I'd hazard your member has never felt a cool breeze
T'was then that Hugo broke down in a fit of tears
T'wat is it Hugo cried Phillip dumb struck t'with fear
I'm so sorry Philip that I have been so mean
The truth is that on you, I'm rather keen
I bloody love that t'wonky face
And the t'way I've behaved has been a disgrace
It's my own self-doubts that I can't keep under lock
Which is t'why I made fun of your pathetic cock
I tried to make you feel t'worthless and glum
But my only agenda t'was fun with your bum
Oh Hugo don't t'worry you sadistic fool
I knew all along you t'weren't such a tool
I've enjoyed this game of cat and mouse
And your welcome to access the back door of my house
Oh Phillip said Hugo, you monstrous delight
You really are the light of my life
And that t'was the first time the two men embraced
As Hugo laid a soft kiss on Phillip's appalling face

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Written by: DJ de Sac

Lyrics © DistroKid

Lyrics Licensed & Provided by LyricFind

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    "Hugo & Phillip Lyrics." Lyrics.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 26 Apr. 2024. <https://www.lyrics.com/lyric-lf/5601450/DJ+Cul+de+Sac/Hugo+%26+Phillip>.

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