DECEMBER.
CENSORED dialogue
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Someone tell me what's a home, shit, I grew up in a war zone Raised to be a target, blood and bruises, shit was getting thrown Firstborn child, parents preached that I had a throne But the love you give me less and less when myself is shown 'Motions swinging back and forth at me like a metronome I be getting beatings for mistakes, momma set a tone So I'm just tryna break the cycle til my tombstone So I'm just tryna break the cycle I was really raised thinking love was conditional I was doing everything to stay in pole position though Searching for acceptance had me running 'round kissing foes Now I'm missing toxic hoes who always kept me on my toes Knowing I am not their first choice when they hit my phone Cuz that shit is better than alone, so much I condone Imma listen to her cry and groan knowing she will roam Into the arms of another who's more lovable I remember tryna hug my mother when she stressing me Tiptoeing baby bird casings when she next to me Everybody on the outside say I'm blessed to be Living in nice house, but niggas wanna murder me Niggas on the outside who wanna take my life Momma screaming on the inside, I'm reaching for the knife Told her that I'm suicidal, and she punched me with the right Got a nigga tearing up right now, I'm tryna write 'Bout the feelings that I'm feeling on a lonely sunday night Know it ain't nobody fault, I'm just running from abandonment Drowning in my loneliness, I hate it and I'm panickin' Everyday I'm thanking god I made it out that psych ward It ran me 5 bands, way more than all I can afford Privileged cuz my parents paid it off, I know I'm fortunate Maybe I should shut up, the ungrateful college kid Then I think about all the abuse in the ultimate Scheming on me fucking up, yeah I was getting choked and shit I'm just glad I made it out, I think I was the chosen kid Despite all of the pain and the crippling they left me with Everybody home to feed they souls, I'm fuckin' famished man I be coming back to broken faces and demolishment Niggas keep misgendering, and I just want acknowledgment I wanna serve my honesty, but first I gotta polish it Otherwise my parents gonna pick apart, like, all of it Can't believe my brother gullible, he really fall for shit He don't even listen, he just glisten hateful rhetoric He say I'm too depressed plus all the transphobic shit Held him down his whole life and got nothin' to show for it If somebody pressing on my brother, I put bodies down 'Spite the fact my momma show him praise when she put me down I'm the scapegoat and family clown, he the golden child They gon demonize me for the drugs and my mental rounds Whenever they f*ck up: "oh, you acting like jazz now?" "Why you acting like jazz now?" Have you lost your fucking mind? So I pray I pray that it won't feel the same and Don't think that I can't see it in your eyes Darling, yeah, we both knew that from the start Some minds are better kept apart
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