Epic Rap Battles of Hostery

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Emily May

4:08

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MC Dankien, you think I ain't got what it takes
Bitch try again, I'm in the game let's raise the stakes
I'm set up for the win, that layup shot, that finger roll
You sitting on the bench, and I'm qualified to take the pole
I'll breeze past on my skateboard, I'm tricky with it like Tony Hawk
You leave all your fans bored, cause all they ever hear is squawk
I cop this rayon, and you dress like a purple gnome
I'm bout to get my cray on, stick that on your crayola dome

Where were you twelve years ago in high school during gym class
I ran the ball a whole fucking mile while you and Z took a hall pass
I carry big weights, you play around with monkey bars
Your face has thick paint, but I don't cover up my scars
I'm taking shots you can hold the booze, just pass the bowl and that vapor too
Them Christians claiming some holy juice, but I'll be adoptin' that higher view
CrypDID Nation inspired you? Bitch I was the first one who said it
I helped you rebuild yourself, now you're nothing but stolen credit, whoops

What kind of guy who claims that he's all edgy
Wears a tropical shirt and eats round spaghetti, oh
If you want stolen credit just go take a look in the mirror boy, ha
You ain't original you're just a wannabe emo I can't make it clearer boy
Ain't dropping into a half pipe, nah you just be hitting the hash pipe
My flow's fully grown it's not half ripe, while you rip off the spit I was rocking in '09
My trip o lets hit and they put all the lesbians into a trance, hah
You looking like a sharpie pen bled on your hair and skinny pants, oof

Got this wheelchair spinning just like a Mercedes Benz
Even still I'm running far too fast for you to comprehend
I got you a present my Dame, voila, so please allow me to explain, blah blah
It's all of the disses you shot at me spun right round and now I'm taking aim, pop pah
Tell me did you expect anything less than perfection when challenging Emily May, nah
I am the hostess so sweet and so creamy that I even put Little Debbie to shame
Tiny Peter like Pan, and your jokes never land, I'm the captain of hooks what a plot twist
Cause this time the victory goes to the R-rated princess that Disney would certainly blacklist

Z to the Y to the N to the Ayoooo
I can't stand listening to all this shit it's like you're both on snooze
It's time the G.O.A.T. stepped in to shush the pothead gecko and the goose
With lyrical punchlines so hard they'll knock you nuts loose
If you keep bitching I'm fixing to disassociate you
Damien, my homeboy, epitome of homebody, haha
Who plays with his favorite toys, smoking weed and catching bodies
Can't complain your opponent squawks if you still sound bad with autotune, huh
I'll gladly call you Tony Hawk, cause his career is over too

Hey Emily, may I ask some questions, why the hell are you so obsessive
What kind of SJW can't slay her own depression
Why are you the host when I be switching up the system for you
Let me show you what a real one can do, ah
I'm the slim shady of DID, call me Em nineteen-oh-three
But this ain't JROTC, so don't sleep or you'll catch Z's
Todays opponents ran the lights but they gridlocked like I-85
So I just broke 'em down inside a traffic jam of my own design, get rekt

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