Universal Hostage Crisis

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There was a fellow I knew and he thought his name was gold
And his face would be known by the young and the old
He thought he was alright and no one really cared
But by age eighteen he had lost all his hair
He used to hang out near the border of New Mexico
Spittin' in a can, but it was all for show
He was no cowboy, this was 2009
Las Cruces cops let him go for a dime

But one day he found himself way up in New York
Laying panels for the man and coming up short
He took a stroll down Broadway and he thought to himself
This town's full of scum, I'll give 'em some help
He was alright with most folks but the one percent
Got under his skin so he thought he should vent
With a handgun and taser in a crowded place
Not hoping for violence in his infinite grace

He was stopped before anyone got seriously hurt
The airport checkpoint dragged him through the dirt
JFK International smiled down on him
With Oswald and friends right around the bend
He thought he would join the illustrious crew
Of the heroes of change who do what they do
But Bezos and Zuckerberg never even heard
Of his charity work to spread the good word

Forgotten in a day, he was let go and free
Free to roam the world, and how honored was he
As a true blue American, red in the face
Fulfilling his freedoms, taking his place
In California, the land of deserts and swamps
And plenty of concrete with curbs to stomp
He took a dip in the LA River for some hydration
And he thanked the lord for this great nation

Waiting for a better day
Let me go away
Waiting for some better days
You can not keep me away

He was lucky enough to not catch a disease
He didn't believe in doctors, he did as he pleased
'Cause scientists, senators, serfs, and kings
All the same to him, just kiss the ring
He managed to hitchhike way up to Seattle
To shut down the startups, but it was too much hassle
So he sat on his ass and he watched the rain
Now forty-eight years old, full of chronic pain

He thought it was finally time to settle down
So he married some broad, a blonde dyed brown
Just like him, she had delusions of grandeur
The first to ask and the last to answer
A true classic romance, free of passion
A war of attrition, where sex was rationed
Though both fought hard for whatever they thought
There was nothing up for sale that wasn't bought

Waiting for a better day
Let me go away
Waiting for some better days
You can not keep me away

It seemed it was time for modern man to grow old
He hated new music, his ears grew mold
All the kids were always doing it wrong
It didn't occur to him that he'd just lived too long
And now it was finally time to die
It was time to sleep with the fishes, a real stir-fry
His wife would remarry and got over it quick
'Cause she picked up some pointers on sucking dick

But I'm not one to complain, they lived a full life
All you can ask for is some meat at night
Man or woman, or in between
If you got that, you're living the dream
Some bread on the plate and sex in the bed
A state-issued grave for when you're dead
All these things are what make life feel alive
Unless you're too drunk to open your eyes
In that case, relax, have a few more drinks
It's so much fun to feel yourself on the brink
A twelve-step program for killing yourself
Slowly with the poison you keep on the shelf

Waiting for a better day
Let me go away
Waiting for some better days
You can not keep me away
Waiting for a better day
Let me go away
Waiting for some better days
You can not keep me away

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