Survivors Guilt
AT-L@tto
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Thought the worst of it was done n finished I mean, I had to man up no time to be timid Look, I had to keep my head up for my family The man in me had to be a leader das what I plan to be Losing my Pops, it turned me into a loner Gotta get my lessons finished so I get my diploma But Look All I wanted to do was make my nigga proud Almost dropped out, it was shit I gotta figure out Jus a young lil nigga, in the streets heavy Jumpin off the porch cause you know a nigga steady On the grind, my momma was always mad at me It felt like all dat paper helped a nigga wit the Agony Tragedy, it's all I knew, on my way up to the school Grounds at a different school now, dont know what to do wow Shit was overwhelming everything gon get better Wit time das the lie these people feel they gotta tell me Shit was so different Everything changed so quick My whole world got flipped upside down We was fucked up we aint know where to go, What we was gonna do next Shit was crazy Jus me, my 3 brothers n mom dukes Struggling to keep afloat, what she gon do So much stress n anxiety what she goin through Try to stay strong, but my emotions be showing through My brother Chris gotta alcohol problem Killin his liver everyday, really wish I could stop him, but look He ain't gon listen to what his lil brother say Shit be so clear n vivid feel like the other day Stomach problems he was diagnosed wit the Crohns What made it worse was dat mother fuckin alcohol He was young so I thought dat he would be okay In and out the hospital like every other day Had a surgery scheduled a couple years back Goin under the knife, know he ain't like dat Will he make it through dis one, its fight or flight Up at the clinic scared dat my nigga gon die tonight All these family members coming in from outta state I knew it was all bad Jus cant get that image out my mind Seen him hooked up to all these machines Everybody up there, praying, hopin 30 Days up in the ICU Doctor say he doin better he gon make it thru Dat was a lie my brother was really gettin worse I couldnt fathom seein my nigga up in a hearse We gotta call we need to head up to the hospital Everybody in the room, even the doctor too Said he had sum bad news, he ain't gon make it through Septic poison in his blood, what he gon do I was caught off guard, couldn't accept it What's next I dont know what to expect shit Furious I walked away, them tears building up Nothing more they could do, so they pulled the plug I will never forget the look on my mother's face She held my brothers head gently as he passed away Nothin to say, everybody in a state of shock He took my brother even though we all prayed alot Lost a lot of faith in my heart, what can I say So angry and lost, my mind it went astray His only son lookin down his father dead Shirt soaked like a pail of water on his head We stayed with his body for hours till it went cold Jus like my heart in February when the wind blows It was a long drive home, fuzzy my mental We ain't say a word, staring out the window After Chris passed, my family broken Seem like my mind went back in time, feelin hopeless Feel like the world stopped spinning, grind to a halt I know I Coulda done more to help, was it my fault My oldest brother Steve, he took it the hardest Always spending all his time, in a bar shit How could I help my nigga heal when I'm hurt myself Mind racing everyday over the Guilt I felt I slowly watched my brother go off of the deep end Burning all of his bridges like he dont need friends It hurt to see a nigga dat strong be in dat state My brothers eyes never looked the same after dat day He was a whole different person stuck in his head Suicidal tendencies, wanted to be dead Constantly wit my nigga, and I was kinda scared Dat he would do something in the moment that he'd regret Yeah my stress n anxiety, it was through the roof But that was nothin compared to what he was goin through I had to focus on dis music, shit was full time Started seein him less, cause it was school time He was tired of dis life, tired of dis shit He decided he'd be better wit Chris I ain't understand, seem like he was gettin better Till he took his own life, left us no letter
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"Survivors Guilt Lyrics." Lyrics.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 7 May 2024. <https://www.lyrics.com/lyric-lf/5068140/AT-L%40tto/Survivors+Guilt>.
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