Monologue

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Jaylen Coley

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Putting every fucking thought into this letter now
I finally found a way that I can let em out
I have this evil in my heart but I can't tear it out
I made my bridges for some distance just to tear them down
I hope things would get better now
They told me to be careful for what I wish for
I said, “f*ck that!”
Go copped a genie so I could finally wish for it
Guess my family might be pissed off
Just a little overwhelmed I never meant to do it to 'em
Now I ain't the same man
See overtime my heart has changed plans
I'm hella sorry for this shit, I tried to make amends
I tried to keep a smile on me but I can't pretend
Been many times I stayed strong, it's like I can't again, I'm blank again
It's like I keep seeking something
God keeps pitching me these blessings but I can't see them coming, I'm really bugging
Now I'm like f*ck it
Hella people I can turn to but I keep turning to nothing
Heart is full of so much pain I can't take it
Stuck here anxiously waiting
I'm full of hate with no patience, I fucking hate it man
With every hour that goes by, this shits more dangerous
I be coming more amused to my own dangers man I know it
Not that I'm looking for some help, I was just looking for someone who stands heroic when I'm helpless guess I'm selfish but I love it
I guess I'll listen to my heart and just say f*ck it (nah you can’t even do that)
Damn, that was my stupid ambition, you’re fucking stupid
If you thought this bullet could fix it what are you doing?
I mean if something was missing I'd understand
But there wasn't you just made it convincing
How did I get in this position
Through washing dirty dishes, making pancakes in the kitchen
To me lying here wishing that I didn't
And it only took one minute
For me to fully regret this decision
So no more studios and video shoots or challenges for YouTube
And no more Fortnite, Call Of Duty or watching Hulu
You have so many options you must flip the card that you choose
And if it ain't the right card you lose
Just know I tried to find some faith but wasn't able to
I tried to turn all of my weaknesses to strengths but wasn't capable
I tried to put my all into this shit
I never wanted this shit
The devil may appear as beauty until you fall for his shit
So if you're reading its too late

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