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Ivian

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Hi everyone
My name is Ivian
I'm from Baltimore, Maryland
I was born in June
During the summer time
A lovely time
And yes I am indeed
A Gemini 
If you were wondering
The sex that I was assigned
At birth is female so
I was raised to be a woman
Therefore
My preferred pronouns
For now
Are her, and she
I didn't really know
I liked girls
Until around middle school
I probably had these feelings
When I was younger but
I can't quite remember
My family was not 
With that gay shit at first
It was a religious thing
And my mom would make
Her disapproval for homosexuality
Very vocal and clear
I didn't come out to my parents
Till my senior year in high school
I was in this marching band parade
And don't laugh
I was in drum-line so
I was one of the cool ones
It was for Columbus Day
Which is a stupid holiday
Cuz ya'll know
He didn't actually discover
North America
Right
Okay

Anyway
My scary ass
Sent my mom and dad
A long ass coming out text 
And then I turned my phone off 
Right before I started
Marching in the parade
I was thinking about how
They might have been reacting
The entire time
When I was finished
And turned my phone on
I was met with disapproval
And disappointment
They made me feel disowned
And alone
So I took my pain 
And I said bet

After I graduated
I worked for a year
And then moved to Denver 
For college
A thousand plus miles
Away from home
Just to find myself
I'm still finding myself

I started partying
Drinking
Smoking the Devil's lettuce
Way more than before
And you know
Getting a little wild
In the moment
I was having a good time
But I didn't realize how much damage
I was putting on myself
Mentally
And emotionally

I met a girl
Fell in love with her on an island
And then she left me for someone else
I was so confused
And heartbroken
Trying to find out how
I could have been better
But it wasn't until this time
That I was at my lowest 
That I realized 
How amazing I truly am 
I didn't need to be them
And I damn sure didn't need to be with her
All I needed
Was to love myself 
And love all that surrounds me
Not only do I consistently practice self care
But I also practice forgiveness 
And patience for myself
And others
My family
And my friends
Support me more than ever now
And that's love
That's all I need

I'm basically trying to say
I'm pretty 
Content, with me

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