Returning

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The Calmative

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In the afternoon we came to
Like a knot around a rope
Never come undone 
But only loose
And then we tightened
And we choked
There was a warning sign
In her smile to me 
A memory of her father 
As he sipped from empty drinks
I could see
She wasn't clean
When I entered through the door
She took me all the way
Into that same room
Where as a child she used to stay  
I could still recall
The bottle like a vase 
That held her
Yellow rose its petals in decay
It seemed to me she was the same

She was still and I could see her
Like a fracture in a view
Everything was there but misaligned
We were the lines of my confusion
Life is never heavy when you're free
But you can't be alive
When you ain't got the gravity
That was how it had to be
Life got heavy when her parents passed away
On that midnight road
Just off the interstate
They were coming home
They were never out so late
Now I've come home too
To a town never awake
To a past I couldn't shake

In the afternoon I was dressed to the nines 
At her door in a suit and tie 
That I thrifted but nobody would known
Holding in my hand a yellow rose
And a plastic jug of vodka
Like the ones we used to hold
To our lips out in the cold
We were not the only ones 
To raise some hell
We learned from the ones
That we toasted in the shells
Back then I could tip
A bottle in the air
Back then she could slip
A throttle into gear
Without any fear

I wasn't who I used to be
But I was what I always was
I was always hearing 
For the sound always
Reaching for the touch
When she pressed herself to me 
I could feel her tremble
Like a wave out of the sea
How it breaks and then recedes
I tried to still her 
She was hard and hardly there
I told her I was home
I wasn't going anywhere
I asked her if she had an extra bed to spare
Follow me, she said. You can lie down anywhere
But leave your baggage over there

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