Romantic Bed Bug Nightmare

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Kevin Costa

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In the middle of the day
My baby, she sleeps okay
And I love her to bits
I tell her what she wants when she needs to hear it
But I don’t think I really mean it
We met in the fall
Had no troubles at all
And I gave her a kiss
I sealed my fate on that little date
And loneliness I did not miss
Two years in, I move in
That’s when our troubles truly begin
And I smashed her window
I sat on my ass as she picked up the glass
But then she threw away my only pillow
I said “Hey! What’d you do that for?
Pillows ain’t a thing I can afford anymore
And I don’t wanna look in the garbage truck.”
Well she poured me in a cup and said “If you don’t grow up
All I gotta say is good luck.”
So I’m at the dump
Searching through abandoned lumps
And I spot a man
He jumped in a can and I held out my hand
He pulled me in and then he ran and ran
I said “Hey! I’m not feeling well!”
He said “Me too, can’t you tell?”
And I shrugged my shoulders
He pulled out a beer and he called me a queer
Then he struggled over seventy boulders
Clearly he was no help
My mind it began to melt
And I started to cry
But then I found my only pillow under some lonely widow
She said “That’s mine!” and I said “That’s a lie!”
Well I was ready to pull some feathers
She said “Wait a minute! My name is Heather.”
And I said “What’s your meaning?”
Well she turned into a bed bug the size that my ex was
I turned away running and screaming
In the middle of the night
My baby, she sleeps alright
And I watch her through the window
I’d like to go in but I’m sure that is a sin
And the wind is now my only pillow

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