To Rest

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Christian Lanes

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I got a lump in my chest from nights without rest, I need y'all to hear me out
This stuff is deeper than music cuz I'm bout to lose it, my mind is slowing down
Word to my momma, causing me trauma, I never needed but it all circles around
I'm going crazy, turned a one eighty, but I'm back on this rapping no stopping me now
Yeah, you figured it out? Don't even look at me now
I said if you come any closer and asking for closure, I promise you'll not like me loud
Don't you dare look up my sound, I see your intentions you buried in ground
I will completely unmask everything in the past, we'll start by removing your crown
You say you a queen, what does that mean
You had to go leave, abandoning me
You throwing the keys, plugged up the sinks
Jammed every door in the house, making escape impossible for me
But let's get serious in this breakdown part now real quick
Let's talk about the words you said out your mouth when I was just a kid
"Momma ain't leaving like my momma did" "I promise to stay til the very end"
"Divorce isn't an option, won't cause any drama," Those words replay every day in my head

I'm not cleaning out my closet
I'm just putting things to rest
Cuz I can hear 'em all talking
But I'm putting it all to rest
I'm not cleaning out my closet
I'm just putting things to rest
Cuz I can hear 'em all talking
But I'm putting it all to rest
 
Now look, you have caused me to go through some hell in my life
All the blame in the right, blood in my veins are now ice, it's hard to
Stay awake when you're barely alive, flooded with pain every night
You don't even realize the weight of your lies when you told me you would be there for me
Til' the day that you die
Don't tell me this separation had nothing to do with your preparation
Don't look to your delegation that you have feeding you falsified information
You offer no inspiration, where were you when I needed resuscitation
Or respiration, when your actions against me were reprehensible, I am not filled up with hatred
Just understand this situation wasn't what my father and I intended
You were the one serving him papers and now you walking around like you offended
Yet when it came to my defense, why you put up your guard up in defensive
I think your head is dense with all the lies the devil has given, or should I
Mention, your idea of a birthday present was telling my dad you want a divorce
Sitting there with food still on my plate my appetite had turned for the worse
Then you said those dreaded words, that is when I drew my last breath
"Divorce isn't an option, won't cause any drama," Those words replay every day in my head

I'm not cleaning out my closet
I'm just putting things to rest
Cuz I can hear 'em all talking
But I'm putting it all to rest
I'm not cleaning out my closet
I'm just putting things to rest
Cuz I can hear 'em all talking
But I'm putting it all to rest

Look, I did not make this song to judge or to cause any hurt
But why did you feel the need to stalk me walking by myself into church
You waited until we all said a prayer, then you had gotten up from your chair
Hovered over me until I noticed someone there but then it was you all I could do was stare
As you said, "Christian I miss you I just want you to know I love you I'm right over there"
Then you walked away to sit back next to your new man, casually nodded at me like if there
Wasn't a care in the world nonchalantly wave at me like if none of this meant anything
So much emotions rushing in me at that moment that was a sight I couldn't bear
So I stand in a mirror! Yell in the air
"How could you leave us" on repeat! That was all I could hear
You ruined this family, I know you don't care
You saw the money coming from your new hubby then you got hungry and began to prepare
So get out of my life, I do not care if I'm thinking in the right
I know your morals went sour, started chasing the power, instead of chasing the light
Stop reaching out to me, you are so far gone but I know you are not dead
"Divorce isn't an option, won't cause any drama," Those words replay every day in my head

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