Ghosts

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Alexandria Jessen

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I have a car but I walked home today
I'm in a good mood
The sun is shining and the sky is bathed in the cold colors of morning
I have a lot of momentum
I'm walking up Lewis Avenue
I'm hypnotized, looking left and right at the sluggishly passing houses
Imagining the lives of people who get the privilege to live inside them
I'm resisting tears
Stepping carefully on their lawns and picturing myself 20 years from now 
Moving in and saying this is mine
This is my lawn
Going to and from my job at an office and a little school with my wife
I see myself relaxing on the porch 
And gracefully reading a book in a sun dress hoping for someone to see me
They tower above me and families walk out with lunch boxes and back packs
Kids yelling obnoxiously to their parents who are only a few feet away
Parents anxiously trying to grab everything they need before they lock their doors
Sparkling sidewalks covered in water from an automatic sprinkler
Dense trees passing above me
I've never felt this feeling before
I've never been so sure that I could have all of this if I just try
I refuse to settle for things in my price range
This is normal
These are normal people
You see them in sitcoms and reality tv talking about their problems and
Trying to keep up with absurdly rich people like it's some kind of fucking inequality
Their lives are so beautiful
Maybe I'm too depressed for things like this
Maybe I make messes too often or yell to loud when I'm angry
Maybe I spill my drinks on carpet far more often than they ever did
But I know I'd clean my messes up if I had something to be proud of
Two bedrooms in a good neighborhood
Office job
2016 Honda
Children
Passing construction workers
I have to get ready for work today

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