Livin'

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Itsz Coco

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Growing up as kid was all fun and games 
As I got older I started to noticed that 
We livin in a world 
That doesn't make sense 
Are we truly here to live or to die
Suffering from anxiety depression Any type of mental health
And it kills 
When I was 14 I thought I was the Only one in this world that was Suffering with depression
Thinking god hated me
Thinking if I should end my life With pills
Walking around having suicidal Thoughts
Everyone at school would laugh Because I would stutter
Some were Snakes, some wouldn't even care About the other person
Girls being Called a bitch a hoe a snitch
Like oh she's this and this 
Y'all so childish
How would you like it if someone Called your little sis a bitch
You wouldn't like it huh 
I don't know why I let all these Things bring me down 
Thinking about the past and not Living the present 
I could hardly see my future 
I no longer want to be like this
Coming from a family that once was Together
Now we're all split apart 
Growing up without a father
Shits been hard lately 
And mama thinks everything is okay 
But I just want to see myself once Again as when I was a kid 
Cuz lately I can't see myself in the mirror
Livin in a dark place for so many Years
Seeing a therapist every Friday
But it seems like nothing is changing
My mind keeps running and 
No matter how many pills I take 
These demons find a way to attack Me
And the more I fight the more they Attack me
I just want to numb this pain and Never feel
I just wanna fly like a bird up above The clouds being free 
While the sun Is shining down and 
The breeze of the air coming from The West 
                          
We livin in a world that doesn't Make sense 
(Help)
I scream my lugs out 
(Help) 
Seeking for help 
But ant nobody there
Please somebody help me 

But I guess in order to be strong we Gotta go through pain 
Going through a shitty day 
Feeling like ending it right away 
And never coming back 
Thinking to ourselves 
No one will ever understand so What's the point of living a another Day 
Livin to die 
But how 
If there's people livin in paradise
F*ck
And how many times do we need to Pray to god to save us through our Darkest days 
Even when the light is so dim 
Far away 
I sit in my room in the floor 
Putting both my hands on my face
Busting in tears
Screaming 
Hitting the wall 
Question god 
Why me 
Why can I just be happy like other People
Does happiness even exist
Or is it just a myth that people keep Saying that it exist
I honestly don't know 
Because no matter who or what Comes into my life it ends up Leaving 
Leaving me back into my misery
Not having my Emotional stability
And it kills me 
Cuz I just want to be me and live life 
And never feeling like this 
Shit just kills me 
Especially when people don't even Know me 
But instead they judge me 
And I'm just a human being finding Its purpose 
While pursuing my Dreams in this cold world that is Heated with hatred and violence
I can't take it any longer 
I'm almost on my 20's 
And it feels like I have the world on Top of my shoulders besides an Angel and a demon
I can't say I'm happy because I'm not 
They said Who did You become
Your not the same as before
F*ck 
Did I created a monster through out The years
A monster that doesn't let me be me Or even live life 
Where did time go

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