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Stiofán

4:02

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If I don't say more
An open door won't come my way
If my haunting past won't pass
Then I won't be okay
Hey kid you're five years old
A young man with a mind of his own
Pillow forts no pictures in phones
You're a boy but you can't wait til' you're grown
Mom and dad's teaching things about life
Don't give up get back up on that bike
Learning numbers you wonder at night
You're hearing people tell your parents that your future is bright
And it's great
They'll tell you to wait
Not once will you come home with no food on your plate
You go to school packed a lunch that you'll eat on your break
And on your worst day's or your birthday's they'll have bought you a cake
What it takes to make you smile so you know that you're loved
And for them they'll give it all and just hope it's enough
Understand they'll sell the house if you say that you're stuck
Money will never be a problem but you'll always be tough
You grow up in your head now things start to change
You're causing most the trouble but you're never to blame
Guilty feeling in your stomach you can't stomach the pain
Always say you're playing around emphasis on playing
No sense of how you're feeling feeling lost in the dark
Thinking try to make them laugh think you lost who you are
Think you might become a danger spending days in the bar
But they demand a certain man that can drink on par
Until one lonely summer spent swallowing down
You get a phone call from Conor you're just joking around
You're hearing nothing but his breath and then you're begging for sound
And what he utters from his mouth he says that William has drowned
They say he did it himself
Snuck out the house and then he jumped to his death
Not a reason no goodbye when he left
Just a lot of broken hearts if he only knew what he meant
And as you come home you're looking down on your friend
With his body lying cold whilst you're clutching his hand
Trying to make him move do everything that you can
And behind the tears that fill your eyes think that this is the end
See how can this be
This was your escape this was up your sleeve
Now you're getting angry coz' it's him not me
And there's a part of you that hates for the friend you weep
And you're ashamed of how you're feeling
Shame turns into panic and the panic turns into drinking
The longer you go on the more you see yourself a villain
See a person in the mirror who you hate and it's a prison
Pity party on yourself coz' you despise what you've become
Can't get up in the morning you can't venture in the sun
And your chest begins to tighten like your heart becomes a ton
Thinking time is finally over all this pain is almost done
Always tired but when you sleep at night
You're having dreams of apologies and making it right
You make a real big effort to be living a life
But all you are is just a kid who must live in this fight
With your friends you'll be lying to the end
Saying things are always good but they know you're a mess
Last night they heard you crying stains of blood on your desk
They'll always pressure you for answers but you'll never confess
Slam the door you don't want to talk anymore
Find your photos as a kid place them out on the floor
Writing letters to yourself reaching down to the core
But all these words are just a comfort until you open some more
Still you can't so you continue to dance
With the devil in your ear who says that death is a blast
Knows how much you want it so he dares you to ask
Saying that we can make it easy if we plan in advance
Yet you promised this is painfully honest
The day that William died you had pledged to live on with
Any thought that you might have that your life isn't worth it
Knew to feel alive you must get out and earn it
So you wait like you were told as a kid
Carry on regardless be it heartless or hid
Become what's now the artist make up classes you missed
To graduate from college with some knowledge in this
That you survived all those years on the ledge
To be what they expected not the person who bled
To be the child of loving parents who once tuck you to bed
To be the person you admire not the devil you fed
You're seeing light coming home with a plane ticket
Mom and dad I thank you for this life I'll go live it
Once upon a time I was some trouble I admit it
I wish I could take it back but now I've changed and how I did it
Was the comfort in the feeling knowing that you knew me
Knew that I could be some trouble knowing that you wouldn't leave
Knew that I could have this problem knowing that you couldn't see
Knew if I gave up on living knowing that you couldn't breathe
You take their hand and you kiss them both goodbye
I'll call you when I get there I love you and I'll try
To make something of myself to find some peace up in my mind
To chase a dream that I was destined to achieve until I die
Heavy plate you're just a victim of fate
Doesn't mean that you're a failure if your life's starting late
You find yourself being happy with the more you create
Well funny as it happens as they told you to wait

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