A Message to My Estranged Mother (I Am You)

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Yusuf Tali

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I'm talking from the heart 
The heart is where this all began 
I feel like this is my fifth time tryna tell y'all how I feel 
My adolescence makes me always question 
If I'm good enough to keep up in y'all mentions 
I guess I'm guessing imma need His blessings to let me understand the way that I'm nice with the pen 
Then reality sets In
No more time for self love
Imma watch over you from high above 
This constant doubt
Makes me go crazy 
I can't do this anymore 
All my feeling been ignored 
Talking in cursive 
When I'm talking in first person 
Excuse me allah for all this cursing 
For this passion I am burning 
And constantly learning how to deal with myself 
I don't need no therapist I'd rather go through this myself 
Like a wilting flower, I'm running out of water 
I been sucked dry, never again high on life 
So I gotta let go 
So I gotta let me 
Be what I can be 
Do you understand me?
Let me get to explaining 
Moderate progressions in life oh my 
When will I finally decide to let loose
I remember one day when I was 12
Running from home tryna be wild and out 
So I was wild and thrown out the house 
And kept running to my ex girl house tryna talk it up 
Tryna get some more clout 
So I dipped out 
Then I was taken into a mental facility 
Tryna have all them doctors lecture me
And eventually 
I told them niggas what was wrong with me
I always wanted to die 
Or I always wanted to cry
Or I always wanted to cut myself
I wasnt happy 
Matter of fact if matter was fact imma tell this cold heart fact
I was upset 
Why my momma never want me 
Why my momma wanted to kill me?
Why momma why
Yeah that's a child's cries
Then I grew older 
Looking back at the many nights
Where I tried to write my wrongs into rights 
Saying f*ck that bitch
Why the f*ck should I ever have to care about you?
The only thing I want is my money 
You owe me 18 years of backpay
So i'll gladly outstretch my hands 
Put it in my bank account and conquer all the lands 
You understand?
This life ain't nothing to f*ck with
So this
Is me in my dream world 
Owning the worlds money 
Four eyes, with four wives, and a good deen 
And good clean where the cooks be and the rapping as I stay cooking in the kitchen 
And then have all my children 
But without the drama 
I wish
But that type of life is hard to accomplish 
Especially with my complexion 
Especially when I don't know how to show my affection 
To the girl i'll always love 
So f*ck it 
Never mind me 
Inshallah i'll one day blow up 
And leave you all behind 
I don't need Chicago 
Chicago needs me 
Tryna spread the world with more positivity 
But then again 
I don't like America 
Imma pop on to London 
Making an arm and a dozen 
And do it again like a white gunmen 
I'm the middle man to the my eternal peace 
Uchiha Madara had the right idea but the wrong execution 
Chidori on my lifestyle 
Imma go to bed and then meanwhile 
Everyone just gonna turn on me
Just cause my name is Yusuf Tali
But f*ck it
Everyone switching up
As long as I got myself I'm fine 
Let me celebrate my birthday on before the Fourth of July 
Independence Day 
Where ironically I'm not free
From this cage of depression 
If I really wanted to I'd end it all with no question 
But I'm fighting against the urge 
Cause first I gotta try and make it in the game
Amateratsu spit black flames 
And then after that i'll finally fade away 
If allah takes me or if I take myself
I know either way 
I'll finally be happy 
Instead of being so dark and depressing 
This song is a sign of distress 
But y'all never listened to me when I was here so I digress

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