Turkey Necks

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Corey Rodrigues

Corey Rodrigues is a stand-up comedian known for his energetic and relatable performances. He has entertained audiences nationwide with his unique perspective on everyday life and his witty storytelling style. Corey has appeared on popular comedy shows and has been recognized for his talent in the comedy industry. more »

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Yep, I know you're like, ""Finally, some color to this show,"" because this has been Boston's best white guys so far, as you can see, but we're here too. 

I can't lie. I'm kind of like that too. I do get angry too a little bit. If you're turning slowly in front of me,
like, ""Fucking go. Nothing's coming."" I'm very passive aggressive in traffic because people will kill you now if you do something wrong in a car. They'll fucking just pull over, be like ""Get the f*ck out."" I'm like, ""Nope, nope, nope. You win. Go ahead. You win."" The most passive aggressive thing. I hate when I get to an intersection and people tell me to go. Fucking, you go. You ever get to an intersection and someone's like, ""Go ahead. Yeah, go ahead. You got it."" You fucking go ahead. You got it. Tell me to go ahead. What's wrong with you? What you think this is? I run this intersection, not you, making me second guess myself. You fucking go. I'll stay there for two hours. You fucking go. People going around me shaking their head. It's fucking stupid.

You know you gained weight when you leave your belt at home and you're like, ""F*ck it. I'll be fine,"" because that belt digs into your stomach. You ever take your belt off at the end of the night and you just start scratching where your buckle was like, ""I'm allergic to my buckle. There's poison in my buckle. Why is it so itchy in that spot? Oh my God. Right in there. It's itchy."" Ladies don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about. It's the same thing when you take off your bras. You get the itchiest titties in the world. You ever see them take their bras off? They just start scratching. They be like... You can ask them anything like, ""What do you want to do for dinner?"" she'll be like... What did you say? You're like, ""Where did you go?"" She was like, ""I don't know but I'm back.""

It's weird when you gain a little weight. You start holding your breath in pictures. You're like, ""Whoa re you looking at? hurry up."" Sucking your stomach in and smiling. It sucks. You know you got a little fatter when you stand behind everybody in the picture. ""Let me get in the back. Go ahead. Just get my head."" Different people do different shit. I got friends that just lean forward. People have tricks. My buddy just leans forward in all the pictures. He's like, ""Yeah, can't see this belly. Yep."" One of my friends just stopped buttoning all his shirts up, all of his shirts. He's like, ""F*ck that button."" All his button up shirts, he just undoes them at the bottom. You can't go more than three buttons though because it looks like you're wearing a cape. You can only do like two or three buttons.

The funniest shit that's ever happened during a picture is I took a picture with these women. They were probably like 50, 55 years old and they all had the little turkey necks, the little... right under their neck, And we all had our hands on each other, and all these ladies had it, and they were all synchronized. When we said cheese, they all squeezed the back of each other's necks. Everything tightened up. I said, ""That's fucking amazing right there."" That is the best trick. See?

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