Welcome to the ER

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Nurse Thomas

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Gone insane, dental pain
Think there's something in my brain
These are common chief complaints,
Just to name a few

Think my kiddo has a cold,
Help my lungs are filled with mold
Too anxious to be consoled
I think I have the flu

Doctor what is wrong with me
I think I have an STD
An abscess on my inner thigh
I need you to clarify

I think I have a parasite
I've been throwing up all night
I don't think I'm gonna stay
It's been an hour, AMA

Welcome to the ER
Where it's always burning
And the beds are turning
Welcome to the ER
Where we're all on fire
And a little wired

Shift change, huddle, take a zone
Sniffles and a broken bone
Is there a charger for my phone
My son swallowed a rock

Eraser up the nose
Patients chewing on their toes
Skin tears, love affairs
And what's this on my C###

Something crawling in my ear
Something got stuck up in my rear
Please doc, please don't tell
Would you believe I slipped and fell
Hold up, surgery
Get this gerbil out of me
Have some self-control
Don't put things in your dooty-hole

Welcome to the ER
Where it's always burning
And the beds are turning
Welcome to the ER
Where we're all on fire
And a little wired

CPR, heart arrest, someone get up on his chest
Time to break a rib or two, don't you stop until we're through
Epi push, pulse check, got an IV in the neck
What's the rhythm say? Sorry doc it's PEA

Moving on, next up
Give a sample in the cup
Family standing at the door
Granny slid onto the floor

All the while, beds drop
Call report, patient swap
Call lights, constant beeps
Why won't they just go to sleep?

Welcome to the ER
Where it's always burning
And the beds are turning
Welcome to the ER
Where we're all on fire
And a little wired

Stab wound, GI bleed
Vomiting from too much weed
All my labs hemolyzed
Why am I not surprised

Cold exposure, frostbite
I've been seen three times tonight
I just need a sandwich and a blanket for the road
I need meds for chronic pain
Good luck on finding a vein
Look it up and verify
They always use a butterfly

Welcome to the ER
Where it's always burning
And the beds are turning
Welcome to the ER
Where we're all on fire
And a little wired

Discharged checking in
STD guy's back again
swears he did not cheat
Must have been the toilet seat

Do you see the exit sign
Do you think this mole's benign
Sir this bathroom's not for meth
You can't stand, you're short of breath

Man it's been a wild ride
Starting to get light outside
Power hour, almost time
Running out of things to rhyme

Come on guys you're moving slow
Time to clock out, time to go
Now that we have reached the end?
Who's back tonight to go again

Welcome to the ER
Where it's always burning
And the beds are turning
Welcome to the ER
Where we're all on fire
And a little wired

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