I Can Never Go Home

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N.S. Meyer

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In the house where I grew up
Walls lined with expectations
Each step echoed a lesson
Each mistake, a quiet frustration
Father's eyes, like mirrors
Reflecting his hopes, not my own
In the silence of his standards
I found a voice but lost a home
I can never go home
It's not just a place, but a time that's flown
I can never go back
To the boy in the shadows of all I lacked
I walked away on a cold dawn
With a suitcase of dreams, too heavy to hold
Stepping out from his blueprint
I sought a story that I could mould
But each mile I put between us
Was a word we never spoke
In the distance, I found my freedom
In our silence, something broke
I can never go home
It's not just a place, but a time that's flown
I can never go back
To the boy in the shadows of all I lacked
Then the call came on a Sunday
His world had slipped away
Left with words unspoken
Regrets that never fade
In the quiet of my defiance
I realized too late
The home I thought I'd left behind
Was a door that wouldn't wait
Now I stand outside the gate
The garden overgrown, the paint all peeled
The man I've become, with eyes wide open
At a fence unreconciled and sealed
I can never go home
Not to a place, nor to a time long gone
I can never rewind
To heal the heart of a father, once intertwined
So here I am, a stranger
At the doorstep of my past
In the echo of my leaving
I understand at last
Home was more than walls and windows
It was us, but now it's just me alone
With love that's left unsaid
In the life where I can never go home
I can never go home

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