HOPE

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Sshvdow

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I put a blade to my wrist and envision the slits
But I been too much of a bitch
Focus on everything hurting me, making me sick
Too overdramatic to fix
I been a bit of an addict
I wish I could have it
Beginning to shudder and twitch
Wish I could have her
Cuz I been enamored
It matters not
Whether i keep existing or rot
How does it feel
Knowing that moment is real
Hoping to cope but you kill
Everything loved
You know she wanted you still
But you only gave her the shove
You wanna be happy and had it
But threw it away cuz of something so minimally problematic
She actually cared, but you're not aware
I don't wanna love again, heart is impaired
Now I'm awake in the cold of December alone
I'd take you to hold but you aint in my phone
Dream of the way she would smile
I haven't been back in that place in a while
I used to dream about you with my last name
Now the past aint seeming fair
I used to dream about us with our backs turned to the hate
Now you aint there
See that without her I been feeling numb
Keep holding back all the truth from my tongue
Cuz even if i needed that to be spilled
I threaten to have our relation be killed
Amazingly thrilled
Then overly cry
I feel like emotions I feel aren't mine
Cuz its all a mess when I think of our time
To love or to hate as if I could decide
Hope you and I
End up together in all other lives
Even that one has never been mine
If we ever had it I hope its alive
Even for me I still wanna retry
Down for whenever, it cant be a crime
I feel the panic or maybe its cope
But deep in my brain is delusion of hope

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