Hold on to your soul

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Tinyiko'd

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The lights just went off
A daily gift that's given to us by Eskom
Instead of laying in my bed until I start dozing off
I was chilling in the dark until my thoughts started going off
I'm realizing how much I'm tired of these disappointments
And how I should put limitations to my expectations
'Cause it probably won't hurt as much if I start expecting less
I'm realizing how me and my friends won't talk if I stop texting first
Niggas tryna paint the narrative that we grew apart
When to be honest these niggas really failed to play they parts
Communication stopped occurring when I stopped initiating conversations
I'm realizing how niggas filter everything by saying "Tiny you changing"
But if refusing to give what I'm not getting is changing
Then f*ck it I'm happy with these transformations
I'm receiving crazy reactions to my reciprocation
Niggas blaming ME for OUR lack of communication
It started to feel like your pain is my
freedom
It started to feel like my pain is your
freedom
Is your happiness in shackles and pain is
something I'm free from?
Even though my heart hurts it still remains the place I speak from
My mom taught me not to bite the same fingers that I eat from
And this is why any chance I get I'm finna choose me fam
Contemplating on past moments where I should have chose me
Days where I had nobody to console me
Closest niggas changed on me true colors they showed me
Wish I had somebody to tell me but nobody had told me

The sun is out the sky is super blue
A couple of clouds too
Sitting in my room and contemplating on all the things that I really couldn't do
My aunts keep on yapping about if my father was alive then my life wouldn't be like this
I'm contemplating if it's true?Questioning how my life would be like if I had a dad
Even though on father's day I sent my mom a happy father's day text
She could never be my dad
She been tryna spawn a man out of a boy
And even though she's trying
She could never be a man
She would never close that void
She would never understand
And society's been telling me to tiny be
a man
But how do I become a man without a man to look up to?
How I handle conflict is a symbol of how
I grew up boo
The ladies think I'm super sweet
The niggas think I'm super soft
Bro I didn't have a man to teach me how to flinch a fist
This is why I could only pick the pen up when I'm pissed
I was bullied as a kid
Contemplating on if the presence of a man woulda let to me avoiding all of this
I'm equivalent to a child asking who his father is
All I have with my father is pictures that were taken before I turned six
And stories from my aunt telling me everything my father did
Like him getting expelled in matric Because he slapped a bitch
Contemplating on whether or not this means if he was alive I'd be violent as shit
This some crazy shit

I wish I had a dad to teach me how to turn a girl into a wife
My mom and dad they met in high school
Me in my school? I had the biggest phase in high school
Ain't no pretty crush on mine I haven't touched in my school
I wish I had a dad to teach me being a player ain't cool
I wish I had a dad to teach me how to talk to women
I wish I had a dad to try give me "the talk"
I wish me and my dad could one day have a talk
So I could ask him if he's proud of me
The stories I was told about him they inspired me
But I probably shouldn't drop this song Don't get me wrong mom I did move on
And this is not a song to tell everybody I'm fatherless
It's been 13 years since he died I've made peace with who my father is

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