Ninety-Nine Names

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The Catfish Hunters

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I am an ordinary man
Except for one thing, baby
My brain is a fuckin' garbage can
And every time my heart beats
It pumps more bilge into the works
And every time my mind creeps
It creeps back to you
I wish I had a steamroller
Or a tractor-trailer
I wish I had a jet airplane
I wish I had a giant Ferris wheel
Toppling over sideways on my brain
Cause I can't take it no more
I don't wanna go on like this, baby
Just dig me a fuckin' hole
And let's get it over with
You know what I'm talkin' about, baby
I wanna go down
Go down to Mexico
I wanna ride on out
To the Pacific Sea
You know what I'm talkin' about
Follow that sunset
Until I drown
Until I drown away
And you don't have to look at my face no more

I must have 99 names for every part of you
For every single way that you walk
I got 150 ways of describing the way that you smile
And every one of them
Knocks me right off my fuckin' beanstalk
You know what I'm talkin' about, baby
That little way you talk
I wish I could even describe it
But somehow it gets right into my skin
And into my spinal fluid
And right down to my jock
Baby
You've done electrocuted me
I wanna get the hell out of this town
Go back to society
I wanna go down to Mexico
To the gulf of Siam
I wanna blow my fuckin' brains right out of my skull
Cause that's how I am
And baby
You know what I'm talkin' about, girlfriend
You got me to the end, baby
You're just no good
I haven't had a beer in six months
Yes, my dear

Now fellas, I'm gonna talk about
All the things I can't do no more
Because I miss a whole hell of a lot of things right now
Starting with the most important and working backwards
I can't drink
I can't think straight
I can't masturbate or ejaculate
I can't have sexual congress with your fuckin' mother
I can't change a tire
I can't rewire
I can't even face the way the sun makes me perspire
I ride my bike around like a little child
And if you never again
Tell me that you think I'm sweet
Well that's cool too, baby
Cause I'm goin' back and hittin' that motherfuckin' street
Yeah
Your smile is like a hangman's noose
But what about your caboose
Your curves perplex the geometer
I shoulda been an astronomer
I shoulda been an astronomer
Instead of checkin' you out baby
Catfish Hunters will kill you
Yeah

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