Treachery of Memories

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Anthony Vincent

Anthony Vincent (1939–1999) was the Canadian ambassador to Peru. He was a key player in the Japanese embassy hostage crisis of 1996, in Peru. He later served as ambassador to Spain. He is the subject of the 2008 book The Ambassador's Word: Hostage Crisis in Peru 1996-97 by David J. Goldfield. Vincent died in 1999 at the age of 59. On the day of his death, Prime Minister of Canada Jean Chrétien gave a eulogy. more »

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The treachery of memories sours all my melodies
I don't know you felt to me, it's not over, it better be
I wish I didn't need someone to be helping me
A shell, a husk, an empty me, wanders, ponders endlessly
I'm tumbling and it's scaring me, I felt I handled carelessly
I'm sick of staying up til three, always yearning stargazing
Never going, mania escaping me
Never quite expressing right, I only write with hollow eyes
I really want to go and fly, but I find there's never time
Always working, watching things, cause escape from life is crippling me
So addicting, that's why I'll be doing this until I'm 63
I'll want to die, I'll be so lonely, but instead I will be holding my cigarettes and candy
Energy drinks handy, only standing to go shopping for some brandy
Hardly breathing, always seething, stressing bout what's out my hands

Crying, numbing feelings, not solving issues I clearly can
Wage slave, rent pig who can barely afford any of the things he has
So much debt, I'll miss my dad, he'll be dead and he'll only leave me his favorite hat
My family will hate me and they'll be glad when I finally break and blow my brains
I'm going insane, I hate this song and the words I'm saying
Dear god, please, end it please, stop it from playing, I'm sick of praying, can it just get easy, can I just stop missing what I don't have anymore

Sometimes although I deny the truth that lies behind the tears I'm crying, I cannot hide the side of me that wants to bleed
Just to see what it's like, I cut myself to excite, the sex and drugs I try to evade my boring life I have no thoughts or personality
What lies beneath is only copies of what I see, please, end this please, I'm deconstructing my ego, it keeps dying, why am I always lying

The treachery of memories are what will bring the end of me
Insanity, my fragile self is paper thin and it's vanishing
I'm wasting time all the down the drain, I think I should go on a train and sit alone in the downtown rain, will I ever be myself again
Or was I here in the first place, I'm terrified so should I haste in growing up and living life, it's never enough, I'll never try
Introspections killing me, nostalgia is filling me, blinding me, beckoning me to lose myself to simpler times
I will not fall for that device, I already have, it's my worst vice
Hope there is no afterlife, I want to rest not to live twice
What is this disintegration, why's it feel like I'm a spaceship, floating and observing me, I hate this shit please set me free
Let me back into myself, please reconnect me to myself, I should've told you off the shelf how I was and how I felt, I'm sorry

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