No Umbrellas (feat. Maryann Murray)

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Lewis M.

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I know what I should be
I know where I should go
My heart doesn't trust me
The blood it pumps knows
Grew up near a cemetery
So, when I breathe
I inhale deeper than necessary
Exhale to celebrate being unburied
No known wisdom came
Attached with any scars
I've ever gotten in my life
Takes me back to staring hard
At the mirror tryna conjure
A different nigga
In its reflection
Lessons fell upon some deaf ears
Too busy ringing like
My phone drifting to voicemail
Familiar string of people
Tryna reach through the void veiled
Around me for a tiny
Spark of the fire that's inside me
Raging for a decade
Dimming down until it's hardly visible
Guess it's expected for getting older
To treat the voice I had
My whole life with the coldest shoulder
I used to think misery
Made for better poems
Picking skin til it bleeds
Is like casting Rosetta Stones
Language of weathered suns
Spoken through shredded gums
Tongue native to where
We stepped over bodies
To make bodega runs
Daily prayers begun
Them days where the sun
Ain't come out cuz I was beneath it
But I still heard its hum
One
Rain is heavy
So am I
I'll always be
I don't know why
I don't mind it on my skin
Dance in the downpour within
So, they gave me an umbrella
Told me to use it everyday to feel better
Sky in forever fall
This was how I'm 'sposed to live
No downpours
But no sunshine
Constant overdraft
My ink runs dry
Voice shrivels into a whisper, my
Bars are a confession my lips
Refuse to dignify
Shuffle past many faces
Familiar spectres
Aware but disaffected
And, they're all using the same umbrella
Buzzards circling overhead
So I grit my teeth
Keep this umbrella up
Or else I'm bout to be a feast
I can't stop this thing from
Eating me alive
So, I'm willing to deprive
My entire life from the fuckin sky
What the f*ck
It's plain to see that my aim
Is to understand the pain
I endure expecting gains
Only finding shame for
Tolerating bullshit
I ain't at no pulpit preaching
I'm just tryna reach the culprit
Aware that when I do
It'll end up being a mirror
Ain't recognize myself
Some random fat nigga staring
We both shed a tear when
The sky begins clearing
A tiny peek of sunshine
Waltzes through grey
Maybe that means
Even though I was born brain broken
With my aunties chain-smoking
And my mom's pain soaked into pillows
The fact that I'm here in spite of the terror
Is something I wouldn't see with this umbrella up.
F*ck
Rain is heavy
So am I
I'll always be
I don't know why
I don't mind it on my skin
Dance in the downpour within

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