desolation (alone without a flame)

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Haven't been happy for months
Actually its almost a year
Since I felt like I was on top
I never say this shit enough
Look I try to just smile
And keep moving forward
I'm jogging for miles
But really I'm walking
Walking in silence with all of these topics
Stuck in my mind
Look at the time
The time is just ticking
I'm wasting my life
Wasting the time for happiness that I could have
But truly I'm sad this shit is just different
I don't wanna do shit
I'd rather just sit
I wanna just drink all this kerosene and slowly just watch myself melt
Melt away from my original self
Till I'm just dead on the floor
I wish I can open the door
I keep saying that I'll work on myself
But it's hard when I over think every little thing
I pretend that I'm fine
But inside I'm a mess and I'm stuck
In my mind yeah I'm running in circles no rest
Hey depression the best
I always keep on denying the signs
I listen to MOtion and I start to cry
I got that shit tatted so it always reminds
Me that I'll okay
But I never feel like I'm okay
I always feel like most people don't like me
I wish I can make my own copy of myself
So I can end myself
Without anyone worried on where did I go
Will he come back I guess they will not know
I always feel like I'm just trapped
From leaving this world and picking up all of my scrapes
Everyone tells me that God got your back
But does he really or is he just watching my pain sitting relaxed
Or maybe he doesn't exist
I struggle with believing like everyday
I struggle with faith like everyday
Don't walk in my life just to show me the way
I hate that shit
I'll break that shit off if you faking it
I'll break that shit off if you making it
Look like you just wanna save me by using religion don't make that your mission
It ain't gonna work
Just leave me to burn
Till I'm exposed to 5th degree
Why am I speaking such misery
But really for me it's a victory
E

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